We Were Not Magnificent
by themorningbirdie
Summary: "James Potter looked at me like he had never seen me before. 'The world would be a better place, Lily Evans, if more of us were even a little bit like you.'" It's the summer before sixth year and Lily Evans' life is forever changed. She must learn to live in two worlds, one where she is hated by her sister for being a witch, and one where she is despised for being Muggle born.
1. Chapter 1

_Hello all! So I've been writing this story for a while now and I have finally decided to share it. I love reading about Lily and James but I am quite tired of the formatted way I see Lily presented quite consistently. Remus describes here as __**uncommonly kind**__ in the books and Slughorn seems to share that sentiment. This leads me to believe that Lily was not one to huff around the castle and roll her eyes all the time. Like seriously why all the huffing!? _

_I also cannot bring myself to believe that while James was off having adventures with his amazing friends Lily sat in the library and twiddled her thumbs. She had friends, family, and struggles outside of James. ANYWAY that is my Lily Evan's based rant. Yay for multidimensional female characters. Thank you for reading it. Hopefully it will give you a better idea of her character as you begin this story! _

_If any of you were wondering the title came from the song "Holocene" by Bon Iver. I highly suggest you look it up and watch the video if you don't know it. It's gorgeous and I will be using the lyrics for chapter titles! YAY Bon Iver!_

_As I am new to this your feedback would be extremely helpful! SO without further rambles: _

**_We Were Not Magnificent_**

_Chapter 1 _

_"Someway, baby it's part of me, apart from me"_

It's been years since I've been in a church but it turns out I find the pews no more comfortable than I did when I was twelve. The sweltering summer sun is beating down upon us through normal and stained glass windows alike. I find myself fidgeting in discomfort. My grey dress is starched stiff against my already on edge and irritated skin. I turn in my seat only to catch sight of a sea of strangers greeting one another affectionately before the service begins. This makes me even more uncomfortable, so I straighten myself once more.

Petunia looks perfectly at ease with herself of course, with her lips pulled tight in a hard line of judgement and her delicate hands folded in her lap. It is as though the front seat of a tiny church in the middle of Colwyn Bay, Wales is exactly where she belongs. I look away from her for fear that any spike in my irritation will cause me to melt, both physically and mentally. Instead I catch the eye of my cousin sitting directly to my left. He looks as uncomfortable as I feel, sweat beading on his hairline and formal tie haphazardly done. This gives me an unjust sense of satisfaction.

"Jesus, do these people not believe in damn air conditioning?" Finn says turning to me and pulling at his shirt cuffs.

"Apparently not, and don't say Jesus like that in a church you absolute twat." I receive a sharp elbow in the ribs from Petunia on my other side as the few people behind us clear their throats uncomfortably. "Oh right.." I say realizing my mistakenly used foul language. "Sorry."

Finn only half tries to stifle his roars of laughter which obviously causes more churchgoers to look our way. I punch him on the shoulder.

"All I'm saying," Finn continues under his breath after he gains control of himself, "is that if Grandma Evans insists we all attend church during our family holiday she could at least pick one that has joined the twentieth century." He picks at his tie, " And perhaps one with a more flexible dress code."

I scoff at this in a way that my mother would say is very unladylike. "Yes because if there is any adjective I would use to describe our grandmother, it's _flexible_."

Finn only nods knowingly. Our grandmother, with her strict activity schedule and meals planned out months in advance , did not exactly leave much room for creativity.

After Grandpa Evans died a few years back I guess my dad and Aunt Kathy made a deal that we would all see each other more. Losing someone that important has an interesting way of putting life in perspective, I guess. Ever since that moment I've spent two to three weeks out of every summer holiday on the Welsh shores in our summer home at Colwyn Bay.

I honestly quite enjoy it most of the time. Despite grandmas rather militant itinerary Finn and I typically spend most of our free time riding bikes along the harbor or listening to his Bob Dylan records while we eat popsicles and lay in the garden. Finn tells me stories of his time at university and I try to imagine what such a normal life would feel like. I am worlds away from Hogwarts when I am in Colwyn Bay. In previous years this fact troubled me, but currently, after everything that happened at the end of term, my family holiday is a welcome distraction.

I remember in previous years how I had tried desperately to get Severus to use the telephone to call me while I was away. He had insisted on sending me owls instead of course. It was no end of trouble for me to hide them from my extended family. I had to hide the owl up in my room until everyone else was asleep to return it with my note. Severus apparently had not cared about the inconvenience. Just thinking of him, even in such a simple way, hurts like a slap across the face, so I stop myself instantly. I am grateful that this place in my life, even this old church that's as hot as hell, is untouched by him.

I look past Finn's chest to the end of our pew. My grandmother is dressed in a lavender skirt and jacket that reflects off of her white hair. It looks like it was made for a younger woman and yet is some how very _her_. She looks exceptionally small and even a bit withered in the bright sunshine... Still, she smiles at the other attendees with such joy when they introduce themselves to us that it's difficult to remain too upset. I think of how lonely she must be throughout the school year with a twinge of guilt.

After what feels like a decade, the service starts. It's a lot of standing and sitting and kneeling and singing out of hymnals. By the end of it I'm quite sure that Finn will throw my purse at the priest's head if only to get him to stop telling us what to do. Everyone but grandma looks positively relieved when it's over. I hear Aunt Kathy say something very inappropriate for church under her breath which sends Finn and I into fits of roarous laughter as we gather our things. This earns us dirty looks from my mother and Petunia alike.

"So mom, what are our Sunday afternoon plans?" My father says after we make our way through the throng of churchgoers to our cars. My mother has threaded her arm through his so he can assist her with balancing in her heels on the gravel.

"We have the Sunday roast to eat Adam, of course." Grandma says as Aunt Kathy opens passenger side door for her. "And then I figured the children might like to go to the club and play some tennis."

"I'd really rather not go to the club today." Petunia states, fluffing her curls that have gone flat from heat with her hand. "I must call Vernon by two today."

Finn looks at her aghast. "Tuney you were on the phone with that bloke for at least four hours yesterday. You didn't even come to the beach!"

Petunia has always been a bit sour, but she has become particularly so since she starting seeing this boy named Vernon Dursley last term at university. I have yet to meet him but he sounds perfectly dreadful. We hear no end of him at mealtimes and see little of her otherwise. Finn still constantly attempts to include her. I've long since given up.

"Yes well some of us have better things to do than come home with bloody hands and knees and pockets full of broken sea shells." She looks pointedly at me with this statement and I awkwardly cross my legs in an attempt to cover up at least one of my scraped up kneecaps. I had made the poor decision to climb up a tree to retrieve a child's frisbee on our walk back from the beach yesterday and my knees had paid the price. I feel no need to explain to her that the seashells we obtained are actually quite pretty and not at all broken.

I am grateful and not surprised when Petunia gets in my parents' car next to me as I shuffle into the back of my aunt's behind Finn. We roll down the windows and turn up the music on our way home despite grandma's protests. Aunt Kathy looks at us in her rearview, eyes dancing with mischief. My aunt is the type of woman who will always be a bit young for her age I think. She shares the same green eyes my father has but is unlike him in every other way. She's got great taste in music and is constantly pouring me my own glass of wine at dinner, ignoring pointed looks from my mother. It makes me wonder how two siblings can be so fundamentally different.

Then I think of Petunia and it seems quite clear.

The rest of our day carries on much like any other here in Wales. I eat so much at our Sunday luncheon that I feel like I may burst and my parents and grandmother take their tea to the back garden while Aunt Kathy grudgingly joins them and sips on brandy. Finn and I excuse ourselves and change as fast as possible. We decide to pass around the soccer ball while joining the others in the garden. We ask Petunia to join us but she tells us to piss off and slams her door.

It's not until almost bed time that I excuse myself to ring Mary from my grandmothers miserably old phone.

"Hello?" My friend's familiar voice rings out cheerfully from the other line. She has been expecting my call. I find myself oddly grateful for my Muggle born friend. I mean don't get me wrong, I'm not against owls by any means, but over the summer I enjoy the convenience and comfort of Muggle devices that are familiar to me.

"Hey Mary it's Lil. Sorry I didn't get the chance to call yesterday."

"AH! Lily so glad you called! I was just telling my dad I hoped it was you!" I can almost see her blonde curls bouncing with excitement as she speaks. It makes me smile widely. "How's your family holiday?"

"It's been amazing! A bit odd though you know." I search for the right words, "I feel like Hogwarts is so far away from this life. When I wake up in the morning sometimes I worry I really am just a Muggle and all the magic stuff hasn't been real all along." I had never felt this way before, not with Severus around to be my perpetual key into the magic world. Now everything is different… including me.

"I totally get what you're saying Lils. It feels the same for me. I see all the kids I used to go to primary school with and have to come up with all these lies about what I've been doing with my life the past five years. It gets exhausting." I feel a rush of affection towards my friend and nod in understanding to her plight despite the fact that she cannot see me.

"Hey!" Petunia's voice ringing from behind me makes me jump. "Get off the phone this instant! Vernon is going to call and tell me goodnight." Petunia looks horrified that someone else has the audacity to use her main source of communication to her boyfriend. I can tell by the way her cheeks are growing a hideous shade of crimson that she is about to scream at me.

I pull the phone away from my ear cover the mouth of the receiver. "One second. I have to coordinate something with Mary quickly."

The tone of her voice rises an octave. "No freak, not one second. This instant!"

"Jesus Petunia I am sure he will survive if he has to call twice to get through. Don't be such a damn phone Nazi." Finn is walking up the stairs to his room and comes to my aid. I throw him a thankful look as he winks at me and turns to continue on his way. I don't even wait to see if Petunia stalks off to leave.

"Sorry Mary," I apologize fervently as I put the phone to my ear once more, "but I actually have to go soon so lets figure out our Saturday plans."

"Right," If Mary has heard any of the previous unpleasant interaction it has not dampened her spirits, "I was thinking if you catch the 7AM train to London we could meet there at around 10:30 and then Marlene says she and her dad will come meet us at the Leaky Cauldron at around noon. I figured we could shop for her present while we wait."

My excitement begins to bubble over. "That sounds perfect Mary! Oh my God I am so excited to see you!" I find myself bouncing up and down on my toes, "I've never been to Marley's house before, is it amazing?"

"Merlin Lily you are going to love it. And you can't even believe what she has planned for her party! Every Gryffindor in our year was invited, and some others too I think."

I want to squeal with girlish excitement but don't get the chance because Petunia is at my shoulder, fuming. "Uhh… Look Mary I've got to run but I'll see you on Saturday OK?"

"No worries! I'll see you then dear! Have a fun last week with your family." And before I even get the chance to say goodbye she hangs up. I shove the phone into Petunia's waiting hand with a scowl. I would say something unpleasant but nothing comes to mind so I simply turn on my heels and leave.

Sometimes I wonder what these weeks would be like if Petunia was unchanged from childhood. I know it's silly because I guess we all change from childhood, but the world has hardened Petunia most dramatically. She's constantly like a cat backed into a corner whenever I come near, hackles raised and hissing. I wonder what it is about my presence that seems to rob her of so much joy. And then I think of Severus and his hateful eyes, and his spitting out the word "mudblood". My eyes well up with tears when I remember that Petunia is not the only person who used to love me when we were children and now despises me.

_Thanks so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed it! Let me know what you think of course!_


	2. Chapter 2

_Hey all! So sorry this took so long, but school and vacations and stuff were CRAZY! The good news is I'm on summer break now and have a ton of time to write! I would say a chapter at least every other week. Thanks so much for the feed back and follows. Seriously means the world to me and why I continued writing even after all the life craziness. Anyway hope you enjoy and as always please review :)_

Chapter Two

_You fucked it friend, it's on it's head, it's on the street _

It's early. Too early. My excitement is growing slowly but only marginally so as my weariness fades. Familiar English countryside flies by me and I try to concentrate on the upbeat music blaring in my headphones to heighten my mood. I am many things in this world but a morning person is not one of them. Finn is no better. The hood of his sweatshirt is pulled up over his messy hair, and he is jolting awake every few minutes as his head begins to sink onto my shoulder. I'd say I was grateful for his presence on my little trip to London but he has proven to be rather useless so far. I suppose I could draw inappropriate things on his face while he sleeps to entertain myself but the effort it would take to go through my backpack to find a marker dissuades me. Instead I try to concentrate on Stevie Wonder so I cradle my tape recorder as I draw my knees up to my chest. They are still scabbed over from last weeks misadventures.

I'm relieved to be spending a few weeks at Marlene's. Besides Severus she has always been my closest friend. She's invited me for the summer on several occasions but this is the first time I've ever even considered it. A change of scenery from my normal summer routine is bound to do me some good, and with Mary going too I don't feel like an inconvenience. I've never spent extended amounts of time in a wizarding home and the idea thrills me.

About an hour outside of London Finn finally wakes fully and gives me proper company. He can't stop talking about his summer plans which mostly consist of fixing old cars, sleeping in, and haunting the local pub. I'm more than willing to listen simply because I hardly know what to expect from the rest of my summer holidays and even if I did I certainly couldn't tell him about it.

When we finally arrive and Finn and I gather our things I feel suddenly mournful. It's never easy saying goodbye to my cousin who is my constant summer holiday companion.

"Don't look so blue back there L." Finn says, throwing a goofy grin behind his shoulder at me as I trudge along. "You hardly ever have time to miss me once you get back to that posh boarding school of yours."

"You lie. I always miss you," I smile despite myself, "and my school isn't posh."

The station is busy with important people rushing about to do important things and most of them in their well pressed suits and pencil skirts take little notice of us. We still have an hour before Mary comes so we find a nearby cafe to duck in. The seats are sunken and worn and the decor is certainly lacking but the smell of their coffee is almost intoxicating. Shrug off my backpack and flop into the booth.

"Come on Lily, everyone knows private school girls are high maintenance due to their posh school. It's the law."

I snort. " Well if it's the law then who am I to argue." The waitress comes and Finn orders us two coffees. "You know you don't have to wait around until Mary gets here. It's kind of you, but I can manage London on my own."

Finn chuckles, shaking his head, " Says the girl who still sleeps with her teddy and marches around the city with a backpack like it's primary school."

I chuck a sugar packet at his face even though I am smiling. "Shut up you prat, Gilbert the bear gets separation anxiety." I try to manage a glare but sense I am failing miserably, "And my backpack is cool."

The waitress returns to set down two steaming mugs of coffee. I can't help but notice the frightful blue color of her nail polish as she takes our orders. The scent of cigarette smoke lingers by our table long after she's gone. Finn opens the sugar packet I used as a projectile and sweetens his coffee.

"So tell me Lily- as I have been dying to know all summer but have been too polite to ask because I'm such a doll-I really must know what happened to that boyfriend of yours? You never shut up about him last year."

I flush. Of course Finn would wonder. Almost all of my stories from school involved Serverus, modified for Muggle ears though they were. The only other person Finn ever heard about from school was Marlene, who he had a keen interest in ever since he saw a polaroid photo I took of her in a swimsuit last year. What a shock that was.

" He was never my boyfriend." I mutter pretending to be increasingly interested in mixing creamer into my mug, " And what happened is...a long story I'm afraid."

Finn is unreadable for a long moment. I think he might look angry, and then curious, and then his face simply settles into tender concern. " Well I'm sure he's a dick and I'll kill him for you the moment you say the word."

I chuckle at this. "You'll have to get in line. Several people, including Marlene, have staked their claim on that honor."

I think back to the evening after the fated event. I had refused to attend dinner, refused James Potter's insistent presence, and refused any form of comfort from everyone but Marlene. Once she had gotten me to stop crying into my pillow she muttered such violence under her breath I was genuinely concerned for Sev's well being.

Finn smiles at the sound of her name. "Oh. I'll help her then." He is quiet for a moment and I know that thoughts of Marlene, my beautiful friend who attends my "posh" private school, fill his head. I can only imagine the train wreck that would occur if they ever actually met. Finn might be lovable but Marlene would eat him alive. I think she sees men like poorly trained animals, perhaps nice to look at but never invited into one's own personal space. If they encroach upon that space they are taught a lesson. He'd be dead in a minute.

Finn gains hold of himself, straightening out his sleeves and taking a sip of his coffee. " So if the bloke was never your boyfriend, tell me of your other prospects. You know all my romance woes."

James Potter pops into my head though he is quite uninvited. He is certainly not a prospect in any form and he bloody well knows it. His teasing smile dances in my memories. "Go out with me Evans," he had said as though it was the most opportune time in the world. I can still see him clearly in my mind, running his hand through his hair and winking at me as Severus dangled in the air. The statement was a dare, a mean spirited challenge, and I knew it. It was a way to make Severus and I feel small and make him and his goddamn hair feel big and I _hated_ the thought of it. He'd never been interested in me before and I was quite sure that was not the moment he would start. That is why all his later apologies fell on deaf ears. If he'd of asked like a normal human being a few weeks prior I might have entertained giving him a chance...not that any of it mattered now.

"I am in fact prospect-less and alone." I finally reply with the truth,

"I don't believe that for half a second." Finn practically snorts. "I've got a feeling L, and you know my feelings are usually right, that this is your year for love."

Our pungent waitress returns with our food and sets them down in the wrong places. I wonder if Finn could possibly be right.

* * *

Mary's strawberry ice cream matches the pink bow in her hair and I'm quite sure that we both look several years younger than the mature ladies that we are with our overly stuffed backpacks and goofy grins. It's hard to take life too seriously when Mary is around. I'm relieved as we bust through the front door of The Leaky Cauldron, I have an arm full of bags from several different muggle stores weighing me down with each step. Mary isn't much better off. We cause quite a ruckus trying to take a seat, instantly claiming a large circumference of floor space around our table with our mass of belongings.

"Well, she can't be mad at the effort we've put in." Mary states looking at the littering of shopping bags. "Marly is the girl who has everything...and if she wasn't before she certainly is now."

I run a hand through my slightly sweaty hair and chuckle. "She's going to be properly furious at us both and you know it. She always tells us not to buy her things."

Mary straightens her bow and tucks her ankles behind one another primly. It makes me think that she is everything Petunia so often wishes she could be. She takes one dainty bit of her ice cream before setting it on the table. "And we always do, then her ranting frightens the first years and Mcgonagall asks us 'whatever is the matter with Mckinnon _now,_' and life goes on."

I laugh once again, for the accuracy of the tale. This is the way of most things in this bond we three have created. If Mary is all pink bows and total sweetness than Marlene is fast brooms and unparalleled wrath. I suppose I fall in some odd place in the middle that brings a certain balance to both.

Before I have time to say anything I hear a roar of delight that is so loud that it can only be from the vocal chords of one gene pool.

"Well if it isn't Miss Mary Mcdonald and Miss Lily Evans!" Someone claps me on the back so hard that I wince. He does not seem to notice. "Are you a sight for sore eyes ladies. My Marlene has been a nightmare this week and I think you two are the only ones who stand a chance at fixing that."

"How do you do Mr. Mckinnon. It's a pleasure to see you again." Mary's voice sounds mousy and small in comparison to our new companion.

"Thank you so much for coming to pick us up. We didn't want to be an inconvenience to you." I rise from my chair to shake his hand. I hope mine isn't sticky from the ice cream cone I just finished.

He takes my hand fondly, and I see a softness in his blue eyes that Marlene saves for only her closest friends. "Not an inconvenience at all ladies. Not at all. I was itching to get out of that house this weekend anyway. Too many damn females… no offence to your lovely selves of course." He then snaps his fingers, "Daisy? Take these bags back to the house and finish readying Miss Mcdonald and Miss Evan's rooms please."

I jump as a small house-elf, who had hidden herself quite thoroughly behind Mr. Mckinnon's legs, scurries about our feet gathering our bags. I've known of the existence of house-elves for quite sometime, and I suppose if I had given it any thought I would have realized that a wealthy Pureblood family like the Mckinnons would have them at their disposal. I still could not shake the unpleasant feeling settling in my gut as Daisy's small head became no longer visible underneath our mountain of shopping bags. I gather up my too heavy backpack swiftly before she can reach it.

"I'd rather carry this one. Thank you though Daisy." She just shrugs and dawns the last bag around her tiny wrist.

Mary forsakes the rest of her ice cream as Mr. Mckinnon leads us out the back of the Leaky Cauldron into a sparsely populated alleyway. There is one witch smoking a pipe and leaning on the brick wall across from us, and another who appears to be magically sewing a patch onto her hat while it is still secure on her head. They take no notice of us. As I watch the old lady with wild grey hair maneuver the needle through the rim of her hat with a flick of her wand I remember how much I've missed magic.

"Right," says Mr. Mckinnon straightening his tie, "now have you ladies ever Apparated before?"

I look at Mary as I shake my head, hoping she will too. She doesn't and I feel instantly glum. "I Apparated to this very spot with your wife last summer after my visit." Mary explains cheerfully.

Marlene's father turns to me. "Now it's not always pleasant, ya hear, but it's real easy. Take hold of my hand, tight, don't worry I won't wince." I don't need to be told twice. I secure my backpack and attach myself to him firmly. Mary throws me an encouraging smile as she latches on as well. "Right, like that. Now on the count of three I want you to take a deep breath like you're about to dive under water. Don't worry about letting it out till we get to the other side."

"One," I grasp his hand so tightly my knuckles are bound to be white, "two," my heart does an unpleasant flip in my chest, "three" and I completely forget to breathe.

Before I can protest what is happening I feel myself being ripped away. For half a second I am not sure if my feet are above my head or if my head is between my knees or even if I have a head at all until it all comes to a screeching halt.

I tumble onto the pavement unceremoniously in a pile of limbs and gasp for air. My backpack flies up and knocks me in the back of the head, making me a bit dizzy. Mr. Mckinnon and Mary have managed to land quite upright and seemingly with lungs that function more properly than mine. My cheeks flush with embarrassment.

"Oh dear," Mary rushes to my side, "Lily are you alright."

I take her hand despite the ding to my pride and let her fret over me. "I'm fine, no blood, no bruise." I look down at my knees and realize that my recently mended scabs are now broken open and oozing. "Okay, so maybe a little blood, but no real damage."

Mr. Mckinnon clicks his tongue as though he wants my knees to know he disapproves of them being hurt. "Sorry about that Lily. People sometimes have a hard time with their first go of it. The house is right up here and we'll get you mended right away."

I look up and thank human anatomy for having a jaw or else my chin might have fallen on the ground. The house is massive and completely ostentatious in every sense of the word. The doorway has two giant pillars covered in winding ivy that continues up the house and on to four more stories. I crane my neck and see that there are several balconies, jutting out from rooms and all littered with the most luscious looking roses I have ever seen. The grey stone was so perfectly crafted that it lacked any coldness that it might have it was a gloomier household.

Hogwarts may be a castle but this was the palace of a fairy princess.

Mary simply snakes her arm through my elbow and whispers "I told you," before dragging me forward to the huge oak doors.

As we push our way through I suddenly feel very inappropriately dressed. Mary seems to fit the scenery perfectly somehow in her white cotton dress and perfectly curled hair. I feel more like an intruder in my dirtied sneakers and high waisted shorts. I try to imagine Marlene living her, being a child here, wreaking havoc here, and somehow it seems difficult to picture. Everything here is pristine and Marly does her best to leave things a disaster. I would have expected her to level this place like a hurricane.

Mr. Mckinnon wipes his feet on the welcome mat so I make sure to do so as well.

"The ladies are out back I believe." He shrugs off his cloak, "Miss Evans I do believe your knees will be in good care with them."

I laugh a bit though it sounds nervous in my own ears. "Yes of course, thank you so much for having us Mr. Mckinnon. I'll try not to bleed on your carpets."

Mary chimes in her thanks as well and he waves it off dismissively. "Of course, of course. Just what this house needs, more damn girls." He smiles brightly though, and winks at us as he sweeps off in the other direction.

"The garden's back this way." Mary whispers and leads me through the huge entryway that has two sets of winding staircases on either side.

The back garden is as magical as the rest of it. Bushes of roses lining the gate are the main thing that catch my eye but there is also a small pond that has charmed lillies that whirl and dance in different patterns.

Underneath a massive umbrella sit some of the most impressively dressed witches I have ever seen. It is all pastels and frills and glittering jewelry. They look as though they belong here in the garden, like they have come purposefully to adorn it.

"Oh my beauties! You're here thank goodness!" Mrs. Mckinnon rises from her place at the table to embrace us fondly. "I was just telling the girls about you!"

We are introduced to the whole crew, about ten in all, and my head is swimming with too many names. Harrriet, Margot, Helen...I lose track. I don't say anything for fear that everything will come out wrong.

"We're so sorry for our intrusion," Mary explains and I can't help but think that she was born for things like this, "we will join Marlene shortly. I'm afraid Lily took quite the tumble on our way here and we were wondering if we might get a bandage to patch her up?"

I kick at the grass and mutter something about it being fine but I know that Mary will only insist. She doesn't seem like a stubborn one but the second you want to go to class with a fever or out to Hogsmeade with a head cold she's all fists and fury. She takes my physical health more seriously than most things in this life.

An older woman with raven black hair that somewhat wild under her fashionable white hat rises instantly. "Oh Merlin she is bleeding poor girl. Don't you worry child I've worked at St. Mungos for twenty years now. I will clean you up in no time."

It all seems a bit ridiculous and blown out of proportion and I can't help but laugh. "Thank you, but I really don't want to intrude on your lovely afternoon. I can just wash up in the kitchen."

She is at my side in an instant. "No truly, I insist it will only be a moment. Step inside with me, if you would."

I don't want to fuss so I let myself be led into the kitchen where I am ordered to sit down in a wooden chair. I shrug off my backpack and lean back only to wince when my head comes in contact with the back of the chair. My action does not go unnoticed.

"First time Apparating?" The raven haired woman asks knowingly.

I rub the tender spot on the back of my head and nod. "Of the talents I possess in this world it would appear that grace and balance are not among them."

She swats my hand away, kindly but firmly and prods at my head. I try not to wince when she hits the sore spot. Instead I wring my hands together even though they sting from scratches.

"We'll take care of that too, but first, before you bleed on the floor." She whips her wand out of her pocket and points it at my knees, muttering a spell I don't recognize. The pain in my knees subside substantially and I see that now they are properly scabbed over. She wets a towel and sinks down in front of me to start dabbing away at the grime that has accumulated. I am about to protest but she raises a hand. "Truly child this is what I do for a living, though admittedly you are a mild case."

"Thank you very much." I say quietly, for some reason feeling quite small.

She looks at me a bit oddly and leans back on her heals. I nervously tuck my hair behind my ear and she raises her eyebrows. "You know you're not much like I envisioned you, Lily."

"Pardon?" My voice cracks. Do I know this woman? How does she know me?

"I mean you're beautiful no doubt about that, I suppose I just thought you'd be tall. Yes. Definately thought you'd be tall." She has taken my hands now and is mending my palms as though it takes no effort at all.

"I'm sorry ma'am I'm not following." I am truly baffled now, enough to get her full attention which makes her laugh. It's a tinkling kind of laugh that for some reason makes you think of a giggling child.

Her eyes soften and she looks at me fondly. "James and Sirius talk so much about you I felt as if I knew you already. Though apparently I got the mental picture all wrong."

And my mouth drops open and I'm sucking in air like and unattractive fish. How is this possible? How does she look at me with fondness and not disgust? What's more is that James had spoken to his bloody mother about me. I didn't know he knew my first name until the beginning of fourth year he was always so keen to address me as "Evans".

"This is preposterous." I want to say. It comes out "It's a pleasure to meet you Mrs. Potter!" Instead.

She slaps two bandages on my knees quickly, using only her wand and laughs. "And I you Miss Evans." She starts prodding at my head again and I have to suppress the urge to slap her hand away because of the pain. "I hear you are staying here at the Mckinnon estate for some time this summer?"

I want to nod but she has a tight grip on my hair, trying to move it out of the way for her next charm no doubt. I will my voice to sound as polite as possible. "I am until the beginning of term." I wonder if this woman knows that she's raised a son who became a horrific bully. Are those sort of things genetic? She seems perfectly nice.

"Splendid! We will have to have you girls over! My husband's away on business a great deal of the time and I could use more company than the boys Merlin bless them. I think we even have some extra tickets to our box at the Holyhead Harpies game next week! I'm sure the boys would love you have you are Marlene along!"

I'm not entirely sure that they would but I'm not about to say so. What am I supposed to say? "Actually Miss Potter just a short while ago I yelled at your son in front of a crowd of spectators after he rudely embarrassed me and my oldest friend so I'm quite sure he won't be wanting to see any of me at school much less in his own home over the summer." Though it is entirely true, I'm sure the situation will remedy itself without my help. James will find a way to get out of spending time with me regardless of how passionate about the Holyhead Harpies Marlene is.

"I am at the Mckinnons' disposal, for the holiday" I explain, "that sounds absolutely lovely", I lie, "but I would have to check with them about our schedule first."

"Of course, of course!" Mrs. Potter waves her hand dismissively. "I'll get it all worked out with Elenor and Marlene." With that she casts a spell and the knot on my head shrinks until it disappears along with the pain. "Until then Lily you are good as new. I'll let you catch up with the girls now."

I jump off the chair quickly and gather my things. My legs feel fairly unsteady. Whatever I expected Potter's parents to be like it was not this. She seems like quite a decent sort of witch. I feel bad for her really, I can't imagine living in a house with those boys and still maintaining some shred of sanity. The way she speaks so fondly of them would almost endear them to anyone. Almost.

"Thank you so much Mrs. Potter. It was truly a pleasure meeting you." I shake her hand as she smiles kindly at me, the corners of her eyes wrinkling severely as she does, but somehow her smile still makes her look more beautiful.

She has hazel eyes just like her son.


	3. Chapter 3

_Hello all! So this chapter was something I was looking forward to posting for a long time and I hope you all enjoy it. The motorcycle is going to be a big part of this story and these Sirius and Lily moments were some of the main ones that inspired me when initially planning out this story. Please let me know what you think!_

_Also, if any of you are interested I made some 8tracks playlists for Lily and James over in my profile. Most of the songs revolve around their relationship obviously, but some in the middle there are some that are about Severus or Sirius. I was just really inspired and had a ton of fun making them. I also posted pictures of how I imagine some of the characters to look on my profile too. If you would like to see feel free to check it out but it's totally up to you! I don't want those pictures to ruin any of your beautiful imaginations! I'll add more once I find them or they become a bigger part of the story. Would any of you be interested in a Marlene or Sirius playlist as well? _

_Thank you so much to the people who reviewed! It really means the world to me! _

_Chapter 3 _

_Strayed above the highway aisle_

_I could see for miles miles miles_

"No! No! The streamers need to be more loose than that Daisy. See? Like this? So they _billow. _We want them to _billow." _Mary, who has been terrorizing the Mckinnon's house elves for the past hour and a half, tries to tie a white streamer to a tree branch that is out of her reach despite the fact that she is standing on the top rung of a very large ladder.

"Oh _do _be careful Miss Mcdonald!" Daisy, who is a tangle of a rainbow of streamers rushes to the tree looking quite mortified. With a snap of her fingers Daisy ties the bow with magic before Mary can extend herself any more.

I would offer my help, but have been scolded so many times for doing things improperly that I have simply resigned myself to sitting on the ground and making a daisy chain. Apparently my decorating skills are insufficient.

"Well if Mary did plummet to her death Daisy, at least we could rest in the knowledge that it was for the sake of tree streamers." Marlene, who is leaning in the doorway of the kitchen crosses her arms across her chest. She is not smiling but I can tell she is amused.

"A very worthy cause!" I pipe in laughing.

Mary huffs, but flounces down the ladder anyway, making everyone breathe a sigh of relief. "Say what you will, but this garden is going to look absolutely stunning when I'm done with it."

"Yeah yeah, I'm sure it will." Marlene leaves her perch in the doorway and settles herself on the ground next to me, plopping down gracelessly. "Though I'm sure it would be equally as stunning if you just waited for my bloody mother to get home from shopping so she could do it with magic."

Mary smooths out her floral patterned skirt and shoots Marlene an affronted look. "I told you Marly, I have a vision. A very precise vision. And I don't mind working hard." She bends down, her skirt billowing around her as she tries to untangle a pink streamer from Daisy's ear.

Marlene eyes her warily. "Well that's all fine and good Mcdonald but if you are even entertaining the thought of hanging that fucking pink thing in my home I will walk out that door right now and miss my party entirely. I swear on Merlin's beard."

Mary stops her administrations instantly, realizing it is probably not an empty threat. She turns to us and sniffs, "Well I'll just get started on the flowers for the dessert table then. Come on Daisy, that's enough streamers for now."

Once Mary is out of earshot I can't help but laugh. "Was she like this last year?"

Marlene snorts, "Worse."

I fake a cringe. I can easily imagine Mary entering the house, guns blazing about where the paper lanterns should go over the dance floor, never missing a beat. And yes, the Mckinnons not only have room for a large pool in their backyard, but also a makeshift dance floor. The amount of wealth my friend lives in is a new world to me. I know it is for Mary too, but she seems to adjust to it seamlessly. It's no wonder that Mrs. Mckinnon adores her.

Marlene has a cigarette tucked behind her ear, barely even visible under her dark hair, which always seems wild when it's not tucked up in a ponytail. I've already heard Mr. Mckinnon scold her for smoking on the patio after breakfast, but it seems not to have dissuaded her in the least. She knows Mary detests the smell and I suspect that is why this particular cigarette has remained tucked there for quite some time. Marlene is thoughtful though she would never own up to it.

I feel a rush of affection for her and reach over to squeeze her hand that is resting in the grass near mine. "I'm glad to be here this year Marly. I'm sorry I've missed it until now." It's appalling really, what time I've wasted attempting to be a good friend to Severus while neglecting everyone else. He would always beg me not to come to Marlene's, saying that the summers were our time to be ourselves, free of houses, blood feuds, and course work. I always agreed because it seemed like the decent thing to do. We had both been naive.

My eyes must betray my emotion because Marlene actually squeezes my hand back briefly in a rare but meaningful act of affection. "Don't mention it Lils." but I know what she means. Don't mention _him._ Not here. Not now.

"Yes, but without me here there was no one to make you this gorgeous crown of daisy's to wear upon your head in celebration of great day of your birth, which is a true travesty." I laugh my foul emotions off and try to wrangle Marlene still long enough to place the flowers around her head.

She slaps my hand away with ease, causing my artistry to fall limply on the grass in front of us. "Put that on my head Evans and I'll send you to help Mary."

I retrieve the flowers and secure them on the top my head instead. "Fine," I secure them with a clip from my back pocket, "don't benefit from my labor of love. See if I care. But know that was the only semblance of a present that you were going to receive from me today. Happy bloody birthday."

This actually earns a hearty chuckle from Marlene which makes me feel as though I've done my job. Here for all it's unfamiliarity feels like home simply because I am surrounded with with Mary's fretting and Marlene's cursing.

With Mrs. Mckinnon at my side I manage to wrangle Mary away from decorating and Marlene into a dress before sundown. Mary is still rearranging cups every ten minutes and Marlene has chosen a black dress and no heels but I resign myself to the fact that I am no miracle worker. I myself have donned a tight blue party dress for celebrations sake and look half way to presentable even though I have refused to give up the chain of daisies on my head. Marlene tells me it looks ridiculous but Mary heartily approves.

Mr. and Mrs. Mckinnon explain that they will be out with friends for most of the night but that people are welcome to stay as long as they like as long as they are in the garden and not drinking. I don't have the heart to tell them about the several handles of fire whiskey hidden under their daughter's bed. Once they leave and it is an hour until the rest of the guest show up I find myself getting anxious. I honestly have no idea what to expect, and though Marlene says she doesn't like anyone coming as much as she like Mary and I, I know she will be busy most of the night. I've never been to a wizarding party outside of school, and the ones inside it are subdued due to the fact that they take place in the Gryffindor common room under Professor Mcgonnagle's watchful eye.

As guests begin to trickle in I find myself relaxing. Hestia and her twin brother Hector show up first and I greet them both with warm hugs. Though they are a year ahead of us in school the Jones twins have always had a special place in my heart since first year when Hestia showed me to my charms class and told me to sit with her at lunch later. Everyone thinks Hector, who unlike his sister, was sorted into Ravenclaw, has a good shot at Head Boy this year. I offer them both a drink and notice that Mary has gotten suspiciously shy since they arrived. I wink at her when their backs are turned and she blushes crimson.

Mary is true to her word about decorations. The garden is glowing with lights and floating paper lanterns everywhere. If it is beautiful in the daytime it is even more enchanting at night. There is a dessert table so large and piled with sweets I cannot imagine an army eating that many cupcakes, much less a handful of school aged teens. Guests start streaming in at a steady rate and I settle myself in a corner with Hestia. She regales me of tales from the Jones family trip to France at the start of holiday.

I cannot help but immediately turn and watch when a most familiar head of unruly black hair appears in the doorway. He is beaming, balancing a large present in one arm while he wraps another around Marlene's shoulder in a hug which she grudgingly accepts.

James Potter.

My heart speeds up unpleasantly and my stomach tightens so I force myself to look away. It's not like this is entirely a surprise. I had known this would happen. James is one of Marlene's oldest friends, considering how close their mothers are and I had known he was invited. But still, I cannot help but feel my skin crawl at his presence. The end of last term had been messy, and not just for me. Despite my best efforts Marlene had been sandwiched in the middle of my disagreement with her Quidditch captain and friend. She always told me she was unequivocally on my side no matter what, which I absolutely believed, but I did not want to deem necessary. Tonight, I am determined to be nothing but the height of civility and grace, even if that simply means avoiding him. It's comforting to know that he probably doesn't wish to see me just as much as I don't wish to see him.

Sirius Black, James' perpetual companion and human shadow, is not far behind lifting Marlene off her feet in an eager embrace. She yells such profanity at him that my cheeks almost color but Sirius only laughs and swiftly leans in to kiss her cheek before she bats him away none too gently.

Hestia has noticed my inattention to her story and I look back up at her apologetically. She takes a sip of her drink. "So I see that's still an ever present thing." She nods towards where James and Sirius are adding their parcels to the mountain of presents by the drinks.

"Marly and Sirius? They're harmless. Nothing will ever come of it." I say, repeating the mantra that Marlene has drilled into my head whenever people come asking about her relationship with Black.

Hestia laughs at this, throwing her head back and roaring as though I've said something properly funny. "Of course they won't. Everyone knows her and Sirius are all show." She shakes her head and then points again, "I meant you and Potter."

I nearly choke on my butterbeer. "I…me and….Potter?"

Hestia leans forward, her face drawing close to mine as though she is getting ready to tell some great secret. "Obviously. You started twitching like a ferret since he arrived, and he's been scanning the garden looking for you like you're a snitch."

I hadn't even noticed my leg bouncing up and down on it's own accord. I will it to stop with sheer might. I try a sip of butterbeer again, hoping to seem calm and collected. People get the wrong idea. Potter doesn't like me anymore than I like him. The date invite was nothing but a joke. I seem to be the only who understands that fact. "I'm afraid you're assessment is incorrect. I'm just trying to hold it together so that Marlene can have the perfect party. And anyway you have no way of knowing that I'm who he's looking for."

Hestia's dark eyes dance with mirth like I've told her the punchline to some terribly amusing joke. "Oh yeah?" She asks, "then why is he staring at the back of your head like a blind man who's just seen the light?"

This makes me laugh, "Perhaps because he fancies you and my ginger hair is simply blocking the view." I stay seated forward not wanting to seem interested finding out if what Hestia says is true.

A wicked grin dances on the corners of her lip and she whispers, "Well we're about to find out, he's headed this way."

My nerves kick in again and grip into my cup until my knuckles turn white in hopes to keep from shaking. Still I do not look over my shoulder.

"Jones! Fancy seeing you here!" An all too familiar voice rings out from beside me and I feel myself stiffen visibly.

"Hello to you too Potter! Tell me have you been working on some new strategies to beat the snakes with this year?" Hestia, who has been a member of the Quidditch team since her fourth year addresses her captain with fondness, though I can't imagine how, from what I've heard from Marlene he's as strict as Flich on the pitch.

I spare him a glance and our eyes meet. His hand flies to his hair and I resist the urge to grind my teeth.

"Of course I have Jones. They don't stand half a chance." He steps closer to us and I lean back in my seat feeling a great deal like a cat with it's hackles raised. "And it's obviously good to see you as well Evans. You look lovely, as always." There's half a smile on his face and a twitch in his eye that tells me he's goading me once more. The sparkle in his eye is just willing me to rise to the bait and make a scene again, I just know it.

I want to snap at him for making fun of me again. How can something that sounds like a compliment be delivered in such a hurtful way? Does he get some sort of sadistic pleasure out of watching me squirm? I had thought my short blue dress and white platform sandals had actually made me look quite nice. Apparently not up to Potter's standards.

"It's a pleasure Potter." I say as evenly as I possibly can as I rise from my seat and take a step back, retreating from his presence. "I had the chance to meet your mother yesterday. She's a marvelous witch." I try to speak to him like I would any acquaintance and hope it doesn't come out stiff and forced.

Potter looks a bit shocked, though whether it is from my even tone or my statement about his mother I am not sure. "I...yeah... she told me you were here."

One rarely gets the chance to see Potter struggle for words and I feel victorious. My indifferent civility must be doing the trick! "Well," I continue with new confidence, " you are welcome to my seat Potter, I was just leaving. Give your mother my best."

And before he can say another word I give a curt nod and turn on my heels to walk away. I am relieved when he does not call out after me and assume he is probably pleased with the time alone with Hestia.

I make my way over the the drink table, and pour myself another butterbeer, cupping it happily in my hands before taking a sip. Butterbeer had become a quick favorite of mine since my first Hogsmeade trip my third year. I always miss it over the long months of the summer when I am home and I'm more than happy to take full advantage of it now.

"My mother says the likelihood of an actual war is slim to none. I mean all the Daily Prophet ever does is tell us the sky is falling. Like the Ministry doesn't have control over these stupid 'Death Eaters'. Please what a joke." I am in the middle of lifting my first sip to my lips when my ears prick up instantly, not ten feet away Amanda Gillis, who appears to be teetering on the edge of truly intoxicated, is cornering an incredibly uncomfortable looking Sirius Black. "Sure blood is important to some wizards, but I mean I kind of get where they're coming from. Could you imagine actually marrying a Muggle?" Sirius, who has a infamously short fuse, has gone from uncomfortable to angry in the time it takes me to swallow my firewhiskey. I notice his knuckles are white as he clutches violently at the glass in his hands and his jaw is clenched so tight I can see it pulse. She continues, "Still. It's a preposterous thing to go to war about. If people want to hate Muggleborns I say we let them. Not that you wouldn't understand that Sirius, coming from _your _family."

And he snaps, quite literally, the glass in his hand shattering in an explosion of firewhiskey and ice. Amanda screams, looking horrified for a moment and then starts giggling and saying something about his strong grip. Sirius doesn't hear though, he stalks off brushing past me brutishly as he goes.

For a moment I am just stunned. A few inconsequential people are staring after him but mostly the exchange has gone unnoticed. Most people shrug and go back to their conversations, no doubt writing it off as Sirius's normal moodiness. I glare at Amanda, though she does not notice, tuck a bottle of firewhiskey under my arm, and follow him.

He settles himself in the front of the long, empty driveway, far enough away from the lights of the house that I can see a few stars twinkling overhead. I'm struck but how much of a child he looks, with his shaggy hair falling in his eyes and his legs long sticking out in front of him while he kicks together his trainers.

"Bugger off Prongs." He says without turning around. The tone of his voice worries me a bit. If James Potter is unwelcome that I am certainly more so.

"Uhh… I'm sorry I didn't mean to intrude. I was just uh...yeah." How eloquent. I want to kick myself.

"Well Godric Evans, the way you were clomping about I could have sworn you were James." His tone gets lighter but not much. I can tell by the slight rise in his eyebrows he is surprised to see me. My recent history with his friend group is tumultuous at best. In fact, besides his close friend Remus who also happens to be my fellow prefect, I can't think of the last time I've had a one on one conversation with any of them. Sev always saw to that.

I try to smile and shrug like I'm not tense. "It's the shoes. Add a couple of inches and you walk around sounding like a mountain troll."

Sirius snorts, it's not quite a laugh but it's something. He is silent then, looking up at the stars for a long moment, so I take the chance to seat myself next to him. He shifts away from me a bit and I wince. "If this is about Amanda bloody Gillis and your saint like pity Evans, I want nothing to do with it."

I bite my lip, of course it's exactly what it's about but I don't feel good about leaving the bloke to sit out here by himself after an encounter like that. "You'll receive no pity from me," I answer honestly, "Only an offer to share some firewhiskey and marginally enjoyable conversation." I dangle the bottle that was safely tucked under my arm out to him.

Sirius seems to be a mixture of truly shocked and extremely pleased. He grabs the bottle from me and unceremoniously throws back a massive swig. "I didn't take you for much of a drinker Evans, much less a thief."

He's right on both accounts, but I'm not about to admit it. "Well I'm a lush and a kleptomaniac so clearly there's a lot you don't know about me Black."

He snorts again setting the bottle down next to him and leaning back on his hands. "I know you better than you think Evans, I've got a friend who is particularly interested in your presence you know."

Of course I know but that is certainly not what I came out here to talk about, "Yes, so he can figure out how to torture me." I reply briskly, brushing some stray hair behind my ear.

"So he can figure out how to get close to you." Sirius says matter of factly.

"So he can torture me." I reply again, only this time I am smiling.

"You're daft Evans. Truly daft." He is smiling too though and I feel like I've partially done my job. He reaches over and hands me the bottle of firewhiskey, eyebrows raised in such skepticism, that to prove a point I snatch it from him and take a long swig.

I think I might manage looking cool and badass like Marlene until I swallow and the liquid burns my throat so badly that I collapsed into a heap of coughing and gagging. Sirius hoots with real unbridled laughter at this and slaps me on the back repeatedly until I stop coughing.

"First time's always a bit rough Evans but you truly handled that like shit." He says, still chuckling. "I appreciate the willingness though."

I wipe my eyes and hope that I haven't made all of my makeup run. "Just trying to be relatable." I reply, amazed at how easy it actually is to spend time with one of the infamous Marauders.

We are quiet then, and not the kind of quiet that makes you want to curl up in a hole and die of embarrassment, but the kind of quiet that comes from mutual fondness and comfort in the moment. Sirius looks up at the stars again, so I do too. It reminds me of the summer nights Severus and I would spend out on the neighborhood playground after everyone else had gone to sleep. Sometimes after he had had a particularly rough day at home, with the bruises on his cheeks or arms to prove it, we'd stay out there for hours, saying nothing and holding hands.

Finally, when Sirius reaches into his jean pocket to pull out a cigarette and light it I look at him seriously and say what I came out here to say. "Amanda Gillis is a slag, and a stupid one at that. You shouldn't let her get to you."

He takes a long drag and, politely, I note, blows the smoke away from my face. " Yeah I know that." He says but his voice has lost the brevity it just held.

"No I'm serious." I nudge him with my shoulder so he'll look at me. When he does it is with reluctance. The depth of emotion held just under the surface of his ice blue eyes staggers me. "People like her have the privilege to believe whatever shite the Daily Prophet happens to be printing. People like that can think that there won't be a war, or that blood prejudice isn't a big deal, or that Death Eaters don't kill innocent people, but people like you and me Sirius, we have to live that war every single day of our lives. That's something those people could never understand."

He continues looking at me, fingering the end of his cigarette but saying nothing. For a moment I think I've gone too far. Perhaps his dislike for me runs so deep he truly doesn't want me here. Perhaps I am making everything worse. His face is so guarded it's impossible to know. I decide I will leave him to his own devices and start shifting uncomfortably. "Look, you're and idiot Black, and there's more than once you've made me properly furious, but you're not your family. Anyone with a set of eyes knows that you're not like them. Don't let someone like Amanda Gillis tell you any different."

Sirius actually manages a small, sad smile at that and takes another drag. "You sound like James. He's always telling me how much better I am than them." He snorts and turns to look me in the eye. A fire burns behind their blue and I'm a bit stunned by it. "I know what's right Evans, I do, it's just…." He pinches the brim of his nose between his forefinger and thumb looking pained, "My family hates me for being a blood traitor, which I am proudly, but others...others don't trust me _because_ of my family."

I take another swig of firewhiskey, forcing it down this time without so much of a cringe. Sirius takes a moment to look impressed before I pass the bottle to him and wipe my mouth with the back of my hand. "It's hard when people hate you for things you can't help," I say honestly, "especially to whom you were born." Mudblood. I hear Severus say in my head. Mudblood, mudblood, mudblood.

Sirius is more perceptive than I had previously given him credit for and I feel a friendly warm hand come down comfortingly on my shoulder. It's a bit awkward but the contact is nice and neither of us pull away. "I'm on your side Evans."

I smile weakly, "Thanks Black." We are quiet for a moment again, Sirius removes his hand but we sit close, shoulder to shoulder, pressed together like Petunia and I used to when we had been naughty as children and we had to wait together on the couch until father got home to decide our punishment. His presence is grounding.

"I hear you're staying at the Potter's this summer?" I finally say long after he has put his cigarette out on the driveway beside us and taken several more drinks. "That's good. I mean... is it better for you there?"

Sirius runs a hand through his hair, not unlike James, and I can't bring myself to be annoyed by the action that I would usually consider arrogant vanity. "Living in a dumpster would be better for me than there, but yes, it's brilliant. I didn't even realize I was headed there really till I showed up on their doorstep and told them I was a runaway." My mouth drops open in surprise and I whip around to look at him so quickly my high ponytail whips him in the face. I knew he was staying, I didn't realize he had run away. "Oh don't look so surprised Evans. It's a miracle I lasted there as long as I did."

I pull awkwardly at a tuft of grass near my leg, "What did you in? I mean what was the moment you knew you had to leave?" I don't know what kind of repercussions a pure blood received for such open rebellion. Knowing what I did about the Black family it couldn't be good. Giving up one childhood friendship like I did seemed to pale in comparison to losing one's whole life and family.

"I had been out with a Muggle. It was stupid really." He sighs and drinks even more, and I take the bottle from him for his own good. "I met this girl out in the neighborhood one day and she and I got to talking. I found out she had a brother or something who was selling his motorcycle and well… I bought it from him. And the next day I took her out for a ride on it and my mum saw and all hell sort of broke loose. I've never seen her so angry."

I nudge him with my shoulder, the way I do with Finn sometimes when he tells me about exgirlfriend or something that makes him sad. "I'm sorry Sirius. Truly." He shrugs and his eyes are so glassy and distant I take a shot at humor to get him back. "Was she worth it? The Muggle girl?"

He throws his head back and laughs again, a real Sirius Black laugh, with no undertone of melancholy. "She most certainly was not. And neither was the motorcycle. Broke down a few days ago, piece of shit."

I brighten a bit at this. This boy's life is too bleak for me not to be pleased that I can help. "My cousin Finn and his friends are brilliant with cars and motorbikes and the like. He could help figure out what parts you need if you like, he'd probably even install them for you!"

Sirius grabs my shoulder again but this time out of pure excitement. "You mean that Evans? You'd do that for me?" He looks shocked that I even offer.

"Yeah," I wave my hand off dismissively "it's really not a big deal. I'll owl you when I work out a time we can go see him."

We've been far enough away that most of the noise from the party has been a dull murmur but when a resounding chorus of Happy Birthday erupts I know that our presence will be missed. I stand precariously, holding my skirt in place before offering Sirius a hand up. He's a bit unsteady on his feet and I suspect that half drunk bottle of firewhiskey in my hand is the culprit. Still, he manages himself upright and follows me sure-footedly back to the party. It isn't until we are stepping back into the garden that he trips on the threshold of the door. I reach out and catch hold of his forearms steadying him with a laugh. He's laughing too.

"Where have you two _been_!?" Mary asks loudly, sounding a mixture of miffed and scandalized. This catches the attention of several people around us which causes me to blush furiously at the insinuation. Not that holding on to each other and laughing over a bottle of firewhiskey is helping our case much. I let go of him quickly and adjust my dress so it falls properly.

"I...we were just out front getting some fresh air." I say truthfully. Sure, Sirius Black is a good looking fellow but he lacks any sort of attraction for me. Though I couldn't say why, I am quite sure he feels the same. The threat of Sirius Black, or any of the Marauders for that matter, liking me like _that_ is laughable.

I notice Potter is among the stunned onlookers. He looks like he's stuck between believing he's in a happy dream or some sort of hellish nightmare.

Mary still looks a bit skeptical but lets it go with a wave of her hand. "Fine, but you missed the song and the cake and Marlene was looking for both of you."

I hang my head guiltily, "I'm sorry Mary, time got away from us. We heard the singing and came straight in." I turn to Sirius who I realize towers over me by several feet over my head despite the fact that he is half leaning against the door frame. "Look I've got to go find Marly. I'll let you know about…" I look over my shoulder and notice that some people, Potter included, are still watching us intently. I'm not sure how much of his life is private or not so I finish lamely, "...I'll write you."

Sirius grins at this and slings an arm around my shoulder. "You're alright Evans, you know that? You're really alright."

Before I have the chance to reply James is at my shoulder as well, lightly removing Sirius's arm and patting him on the back in a friendly manner despite the fact that he is looking at him so pointedly that I think Sirius might wither from it. "We'd better get going now _mate." _His words are light but his tone is most certainly not. "You alright Evans?"

I wonder if he's upset that I have become friendly with one of his most infamous best mate. Does he dislike me so much? Perhaps their whole silly group has had to take a vow never to tolerate me. I wouldn't be surprised. I am guilty for fraternizing with their enemy.

I shrink away from the duo and remind myself to be polite. I've already caused enough of a scene here. "Quite alright Potter. You're friend here is fine company. I trust you'll get him home safely?"

Potter looks confused once again, and slightly angry. "Yeah, I'll get him home fine." He bites the last word a bit too harshly and slaps Sirius on the back. I hope the kid does not get in too much trouble on my account.

"Good. Cheers Potter." Sirius, who is either too drunk or too oblivious does not seem to notice Potter's aggression. In fact he seems to find the whole situation quite humorous and is sniggering to himself like someone's told him some sort of joke. And he calls _me _daft. "Bye Sirius."

He blows me a drunken kiss which I roll my eyes at. I suppose some things never change, which in this world, is some somewhat comforting.


	4. Chapter 4

_Hello all! Another chapter here! I quite struggled with the Lily and James scene at the end of this and I would love your feedback on it. I'm sorry if it's all moving a bit slow but this was my last chapter of that, I promise I have a plotline all planned out and adventure is coming soon. I would love it if you could take some time and review even if it's just to pop in and say hi! Thanks for all the follows and favorites you gorgeous humans. Also, I was thinking of making a Tumblr blog for the ascetics of this story. Would anyone whatsoever be interested in that? Just an idea that popped into my head and I thought I'd see what you guys thought! Have a lovely weekend! _

_Chapter Four _

_Not the needle, nor the thread,_

_the lost decree _

_saying nothing, that's enough for me _

_Sirius, _

_Sorry it took me a few days to write, Marlene and I had to hunt down a phone in town so I could ring my cousin Finn(refer to your Muggle Studies texts if you don't know what I'm talking about). We wound up riding bikes, and not the motor kind you are so fond of, for several miles before we found one in a dodgy pub with terrible chips and clientele. If you ever find yourself ten miles north of the Mckinnon's household in a pub called "Milly's", I suggest you flee or starve. _

_Anyway, Finn says he and his mates would be more than happy to take a look at your bike next weekend if you're free? They have a garage they work out of that's not far outside of London. Apparently it's stocked with all sorts of parts but they can always order some for you too if necessary! Unfortunately for you Finn seems quite taken with the idea of meeting all of my "posh private school friends" and also wanted to know if we would all go to the pub for a few hours after he takes a look at your bike? I tried to explain to him that you probably wouldn't want to join but he insisted I at least extend the invitation. Don't feel any pressure to come if you don't want to, we will come up with some excuse. _

_How do you plan on transporting the bike? Let me know if Marly and I can help! _

_Hope all is well! _

_Lily _

_My Dearest and Most Beautiful Lily-Flower, _

_I know what a phone is you dolt, I'm not a complete fool, and besides Remus goes on and on about how much more convenient they are (which bloody well makes sense because he's shit at writing me back in the summer, that lazy sod). And though I am sure it will break Milly's heart, I will do my best to avoid her establishment. _

_That all sounds great! James and I would be thrilled to join you and your cousin at the pub next Saturday! He sounds like a decent bloke! If he can fix this hunk of metal I call a motorbike I might just kiss him, or let James kiss you...or something celebratory like that. We'll see. _

_I'll talk to Charlus, whose James' dad by the way, and see what he suggests. He's thrilled we are getting out and spending a day with Muggles. Never seen a man so excited about a broken motorbike in my life. We can talk details tomorrow though, seeing as you are Mar are joining us for the Harpies game. Come ready for the glorious spectacle of speed and precision that is the Harpies offense. And tell Marlene to keep her cheering under control because I won't have her embarrassing the lot of us and making small children cry again. I won't have it Evans! And you best keep yourself under control too you wild Quidditch obsessed minx. We will see your gorgeous face tomorrow Evans! _

_With all the love I possess in my heart, _

_Sirius_

_PS. Don't mind James tomorrow if you show up and he wets himself. He's been a bloody mess all week. _

I tap the toes of my high top sneakers together nervously as Mr. Mckinnon has us gather around the massive fireplace in the main sitting room. It, like everything else in the house, is ornately decorated and completely pristine. My heart flutters with nerves, though whether it is because I am about to travel by Floo powder for the first time in my life or the fact that I am going to James Potter's house, I am not sure. If anyone had told me at the end of last term that I would see James Potter over the summer, much less attending a Quidditch game with his family, I would not have believed them for even a moment. And yet here I am. I wonder how James and I are going to pull this off. I doubt he wants to explain our history to his mother, so civility is crucial for everyone sake, but I also doubt that he can control himself from poking fun at me. I hope I have enough control not to snap at him in front of everyone. For my part, the plan is politeness and avoidance. I'm not sure how possible avoidance is actually going to be but I am damn well going to try.

Mr. Mckinnon pushes me forward, not entirely gently. "Get on up there Lily. We have you girls running late already I'm afraid. They were expecting you fifteen minutes ago."

Marlene snorts at this and glares at her father, "And who's fault is that? You're the one who insisted we go out for breakfast this morning. You could at least give Lily the chance to change, she doesn't look the slightest bit ready for a Quidditch match."

I tug at my casual black crop-top self consciously. This had been what I was planning to wear to the game all along. Is it not right? Is there a certain way people are supposed to dress for Quidditch matches? I suppose I always wear my Gryffindor gear when I attend games at school but this is entirely different. I steal a glance at Marlene's outfit which consists of a green cap and tee-shirt, both with the Harpies emblem shining out proudly in gold.

"Oh hush Marlene, Lily looks just fine, and there's no time for changing now. The Potter's were nice enough to offer you their box seats and I won't have you being rude and showing up half an hour after you were supposed to." He offers me his hand and hurriedly helps me into the fireplace. It is so large I don't even have to hunch over to get in. From somewhere above me on the mantle Mr. Mckinnon extracts a velvet bag filled with some sort of gray looking powder. "Now Lily take a handful of this and when you're ready just throw it on the ground in front of you and say 'The Potter residence' very very clearly. Understand?"

My hand is shaking as I catch hold of some of the powder but I nod anyway. I hope it's not as unpleasant as Apparating was. I am about to throw it on the ground but then I hesitate and look up at Marlene a in a bit of a panic. "Wait. Is this going to take me directly into their house? I can't knock or anything? Is that going to be a bit rude?" Why didn't I ask Marlene to go first? Why do I have to be the first one to appear in the Potter's fireplace?

Mr. Mckinnon huffs at me a bit but smiles kindly anyway. "No child it is not rude. What is rude is being late." He waves his hands in a shooing motion, "Now off with you, we'll see you back here tonight after your day of fun."

I nod and take a deep breath, "The Potter residence!" I try to enunciate as much as possible and wind up rather shouting as I throw the powder at my feet.

There is a familiar tugging feeling in my navel and it's like I am spinning a bit out of control on some sort of poorly constructed roller coaster. It lasts for a split second before it stops as soon as it began. I land with a loud "oomph"(on my feet this time thankfully) and my toe catches on my heel and I stumble forward into a pair of seemly waiting arms.

I catch hold of two large forearms, desperately steadying myself. I certainly don't need to take another spill and make Mrs. Potter believe I am the absolute worst at all forms of magical travel. I look up, ready to thank my rescuer, and jump slightly as my eyes rise to meet a pair of warm hazel ones.

"Alight Evans?" James asks, his fingers still encircled gently around my arms. His hands are so large that they almost engulf my upper forearm completely. I am so shocked that I find myself staring up at him and lingering like some sort of idiot. His thumb begins to make an idle circle against my skin, seemingly of its own accord. I realize this is the first time in my life Potter has ever actually touched me.

I jump away from the contact and try to straighten my inevitably disheveled appearance, tugging down at the hem of my shorts. "Yes, yes," I wave my hand dismissively as though I meant to stumble into his house and his arms unannounced "quite alright Potter. Thanks for the assistance."

I take a few steps back so I am no longer eye level with his chest. It seems a far safer distance.

He rocks uncomfortably on his feet and bites his lower lip. He takes a step towards me, hands outstretched like he is going to grab me again but when I shrink away he immediately thinks better of it takes a step back as well. He lets out a defeated sounding sigh and runs a nervous hand through his hair. "Look, Evans I-" but he never gets to finish because Marlene appears in the fireplace, sputtering and cursing through the smoke.

"Hate bloody fucking Floo powder." She says in way of greeting to James and he rights himself in her presence, whatever look of nervousness that was on his face is now gone.

"Welcome to my home Marlene. I see you are ready for the match." He says, eyes dancing with amusement.

Marlene, who has been here a million times before, waves her hand dismissively and straightens the Harpies cap on her head.

"Do we have time for a few rounds of one on one outside? I've been trying to get Lily to fly with me but she's bloody useless and I'm getting slow." Marlene's excitement is apparent and she looks about ready to jump out of her own skin. It's nice to see her so happy. Her usual approach to life is to pretend like nothing excites her, and in her defense, she pulls off the nonchalant "devil may care" attitude quite well. Most people even believe it. When it comes to Quidditch though, she lights up like a firework. A dangerous, out of control, might kill you on accident kind of firework, but firework nonetheless.

James looks down at his watch, which has a large golden face and a black leather band, I note that it could not possibly have been cheap. "Yeah we've got an hour or so. As long as you don't mind me whipping your ass…" Marlene tries to duck out of the way but James catches her under his arm and puts her in a brotherly looking headlock. I see them spend time together at school but this familiarity is different, more familial somehow. They could be siblings. I feel a twinge of guilt for how much I talked ill of him last year to Marlene. For the millionth time this week I am grateful for her never failing faithfulness as a friend.

She curses him and starts taking swings at his stomach but laughs the whole time while James marches her to the back door. I hang back wringing my hands. I'm sure it's not the last time today I will feel like an outsider.

"Come along Evans," James calls out over his shoulder, "Everyone's outside having lunch!"

I follow quickly, trying to take in as much of the Potter residence as I can. It's large, certainly, and not entirely unlike Marlene's house, but there is something about the Potter's residence that feels a bit more homey and relaxed. Perhaps it's the slight disarray of things in the sitting room, or perhaps it's that all of the decorations are Gryffindor gold and crimson, but something about it makes me feel relaxed. I'd never spent much time thinking about where James grew up, but now that I see it before me I can't imagine him anywhere else.

I follow them out silently, hoping beyond hope that they don't ask me to join them in their game. Marlene was not kidding when she said I was a shit flyer.

Sirius and a man I have never seen before are sitting at a large, wooden picnic table, an outrageous amount of food piled on both of their plates. Sirius looks much happier than when I last saw him. There is some color in his cheeks and a genuine smile lighting his face. It makes me think that the trouble from the outside world must feel a bit farther for him when he's here under the protection of the Potter's eclectic garden. I hope that's the case.

"Ah! Marly! And Lily-Flower!" Sirius says through a mouthful of food, jumping up from his seat. "Welcome, welcome my beauties!"

Marlene and I both screw up our faces at him. I am surprised when I find myself hugging him back when he greets me with a bone crushing embrace. Of all the people who could make me feel welcome I was not expecting it to be Sirius Black.

If James was tense about our friendship before at the party he seems to be more relaxed about it now as Sirius puts me back on my feet he is smiling at us. I turn to see Marlene greeting James' father with a kiss on the cheek, which is very unlike her but for some reason seems to be perfectly reasonable in this case.

Sirius drapes a lazy arm over my shoulder and leads me to the table, "Charlus may I introduce the most infamously beautiful Lily Evans." I feel my face flush with embarrassment and I elbow Sirius in the side.

I reach out to grasp his hand, hoping my own is not sweaty with nerves. "It's a pleasure to meet you sir."

Mr. Potter's eyes dance with amusement as he takes my hand warmly in his own. I see where James gets his dazzling smile from when his father offers me the exact same one. "Miss Evans, the pleasure is truly all mine. Your reputation precedes you, my dear girl."

I look over my shoulder at this and catch James eye. He is blushing furiously and glances away. How bizarre. Never in my life have I seen Potter blush.

"First one to the broom closet gets to ride the new Nimbus!" Potter yells like a five year old and takes off. Unsurprisingly Marlene and Sirius are hot on his heels. I stay firmly where I am and none of them look behind to see if I have followed. I don't know whether to be grateful or miffed that I have been left alone, once again, with one of Potter's parents.

I awkwardly take a seat across from Mr. Potter and smile what I hope is a charming smile, "I'm afraid I'm not much of a flyer." I explain.

Mr. Potter barks with laughter at this, "Nor am I at my age child. I'm grateful for the company, this old leg doesn't let me keep up the way I used to." His voice is a bit gruff at this and he indicates his right leg. I had not noticed the crutch on the ground next to him. He glares at it like it's his foe. I get the indication that he's not the type of man likes to take things slow.

"Well I have no excuse other than lack of skill and a small phobia of heights so you're better off than me." I joke. He chuckles at this and looks delighted.

Mr. Potter has a kind sort of face that you can tell has seen a bit too much of the world. Even when he smiles the wrinkles in his eyes droop a bit. His white hair is also a testament to his age, though it is clear he was once a very handsome man. I see a great deal of James in him.

I think he might say something else, but he doesn't. He simply leans back in his seat looking at me as though he has some sort of invested interest. It is not unkind, but it is unnerving. I glance about the garden, which is beautifully kept but not entirely organized. My eyes grow wide with amazement when they fall quite a large patch of greenery to the left.

"Mr. Potter is that Dittany you are growing?" In my thrill I rise from my seat to inspect it closer.

Mr. Potter smiles widely at me, that same beaming smile . "It is Miss Evans!" He sounds impressed, "My son told me you were bright. I see now he did not exaggerate."

I smile, and go to kneel by the plant. "May I?" I ask before running my fingers over the leaves.

"By all means!" He laughs as I lean down to inspect the plant closer.

"I didn't know Dittany was able to grow outside of a pot in a greenhouse!" I marvel, "Is it quite temperamental? I've read that it was. You've got a great deal here!"

Mr. Potter slides closer to where I kneel, running his own thumb over the large leaf of one of the plants.

"Temperamental it certainly is, but something about the light in this corner seems to do right by it. I've been growing this patch for about five years now." His eyes glaze over a bit as he talks about it, the way mine do when I talk about Potions or Marlene's do when she talks about flying. He straightens, wincing a bit as his joints crack from the effort. "Tell me Miss Evans are you quite interested in Herbology?"

I shrug at lean back to sit on my heals. "I suppose so. I love Potions and you can't very well be decent at that unless you know your Herbology. I suppose that's where my passion for it it comes from."

"Wisely put." Mr. Potter takes a long swig of lemonade from his cup, "many wizard's older than you misunderstand the importance of both." He looks strangely proud, as if I am his favorite student who has just answer a question correctly.

"And you sir? Do you work in Herbology?" With this impressive feat I can only imagine why Potter comes from such a rich family.

"Oh Merlin's beard no child," Mr. Potter shocks me by chuckling, "I work in the Auror Department for The Ministry. Herbology is simply my pass time. A hobby if you will." He grows serious and rolls the ice around his cup in a contemplative manner. He is not even looking at me anymore. "I spend so much time seeing destruction and death, it's nice to come home to growth and new life."

I am shocked by this confession but thankfully don't have to find anything to say for a thrilled looking Mrs. Potter bursts into the garden. "Oh Lily my dear you made it! I was getting worried we were not going to be able to feed you before you left."

I rise from my place in the dirt, apparently destined to always look like a scrubby mess upon seeing James' mother. She takes no notice and wraps me in her arms. Her hug somehow feels a bit softer and warmer than my own mother's who is all sharp angles and bones like me. She grabs me by the shoulders.

"It's nice to see you again Mrs. Potter." I find myself saying quite honestly, surprising myself. "Thank you for having me to your home."

"The pleasure is all mine!" And then she takes in my appearance and clicks her tongue. My cheeks flush scarlet. "Oh no child you can't wear this! Where is your Harpies gear? We must get you in the spirit of the game!"

Still bushing I look at my feet in embarrassment. " I'm sorry...I don't have any... and Marlene and I were running late and…"

She waves her hand in the air like she can get rid of my embarrassment like she is shooing a fly. "Oh don't fret so Lily. James has a million and one shirts you can wear. They might be a bit big on you but they'll have to do." A protest forms on my tongue, me wearing James Potter's clothing, yeah right, but it dies in my throat as she yells. "JAMES!"

Right. Well. Me, in James' clothing, in public, after coming from his home. Nothing bizarre about that at all. Certainly not. My first instinct is to bolt for the door and flee before he shows up.

Firmly I tell myself to get it together. If Marlene's happiness is not enough of a reason to deal with James than his parents' opinion of me certainly is. They have been nothing but warm to me and I am not about to be a nuisance to them in their own home. They could as me to put on a pair of James' boxers and a Christmas jumper for the game and I would probably do it without complaint.

James appears above our heads riding his shiny new looking Nimbus. I know very little about flying but I know enough to be aware of the fact that that specific broom is extremely desirable.. and expensive. "I'll have you know I was about to whoop Sirius and Marlene single handedly right before you called."

His hair is windblown, it's natural unruliness amplified by his flying. He is wearing smirk that is not altogether cocky but enough so that it makes my skin crawl. His mother however seems to find it quite endearing. "I'm sure you were dear, but Lily is in need of your hospitality."

Potter glances down at me and I look pointedly away. Dear sweet Merlin. I've got to keep it together. I grit my teeth and smile. I'm sure it comes off as more of a painful grimace but it's the best I can do considering the circumstances.

"You're mother was informing me of your vast wardrobe and I was hoping I could make use of it? Some Harpies garb of some kind?" My voice sounds a bit odd in my own ears but at least the words are polite.

James flies to the ground and jumps off his broom with more grace than I could ever manage. "Sure Evans. I'll go grab you one."

He's mid bounding step when his mother chastises him. "Don't be ridiculous James. Take her to your room and let her pick one out." Mrs. Potter scoffs and looks at me apologetically. "You'd think we raised him with no manners."

"You can say that again!" I want to shout but instead I bite the inside of my cheeks until they hurt.

"Erm… Right." James, once again, looks incredibly nervous. "This way Evans."

I follow him noiselessly, looking at the toes of my sneakers as we walk. I don't look at much of the house as he leads the way up the stairs but I cannot help but notice that their mantle is literally covered in pictures of James from infancy to recent years. It's alarmingly like some sort of shrine and I find myself thinking that it's no wonder he has such a big head.

"It's uh.. right through here." James holds the door open for me once we reach the top of the stairs.

I step in and just like that I am standing in James bloody Potter's room. It's not exactly like I thought it would be, but it is so fully _James _I am also not surprised. Quidditch posters line the walls, almost from floor to ceiling, and his overly large four poster bed is unmade and not entirely unlike the ones we have at school. A pile of books in the corner by his desk are collecting a fair amount of dust and the window is wide open, letting the light summer breeze tug at the golden curtains. It's a bit tidier than I had anticipated but I notice that James is trying to inconspicuously kicks some stray articles of clothing under his bed.

"I'm… erm.. sorry bout this. Would have cleaned if I would have known… so erm.." He's nervous. Visibly twitching kind of nervous, but I actually find that now we're alone I can finally relax. The facade can be down, at least for a moment, while we are here under no one's watchful eye. He is looking at me expectantly and my shoulders are finally able to relax.

"It's fine Potter." I say dryly, "No one is up here, you don't have to pretend."

His eyebrows furrow in question. "Pretend Evans?"

I nod and lean in the doorway, picking at my nails because I don't know what else to do with my hands. "Yeah, pretend like you can stand me, I know you can't." At this his jaw drops like I've said something genuinely shocking even though I know it's just a fact. I think about leaving it there, simple as that, but I've been holding this all in for so long I decide it's just best to just hurry along and say it. Unfortunately the only person I can talk to about what is really going on between Potter and I, is Potter. "And I'm sorry to have put you in this position, I really truly am." I look him in the eye now, trying to convey that my apology is genuine. "It's just been crazy you know? You're mom invited us and Marlene was so excited and I didn't want her to miss out. And I know you and Mar are friends and I've been shit about that… I mean, shit about a lot of things really.. But God I didn't mean to come into your home and your room and ruin your holiday. I honestly didn't Potter. I'm really sorry."

He looks too baffled to talk for a moment. Like some sort of fish gasping for air on land. "W-w-w-w-" He stutters. I don't know that I've ever seen Potter stutter. Not even when Slughorn gave him detention for dipping my hair in color changing ink. Not ever. "What in the bloody hell are you talking about Evans?" He takes a few steps closer to me and I am too close to his chest again. He towers over me. I've never noticed just how much until now. His presence swallows me whole. "You honestly think I can't stand you?"

"I _know _you can't stand me Potter, and that's okay! I'm not offended or anything. I'm just sorry I intruded on your space like this. It wasn't very decent of me." I can't maintain eye contact with him anymore because there is some sort of fire that's been lit behind his hazel eyes and I think it might scorch me.

"_I_ can't stand _you_?" He's angry, and I can see that that is part of the fire, but there's more to it than that too and I just can't put my finger on what it is. "I think you've got that the other way around Evans. _You _hate _me!_"

He's raised his voice a few decibels and the passion in his words makes me wince. "I don't hate you Potter. I've never _hated _you." The tenseness in his shoulders relax a bit and he looks less like a spring wound too tight. I run a frustrated hand through my hair. "Of course I'm not very found of you, but you made sure of that didn't you?" Now my voice is rising too. And my eyes ache to fill with tears though I will them not to. My voice is strangled with emotion. I never yell at anyone, not ever, and here I am for the second time coming undone before James Potter. "You were always going out of your way to hex Severus. You're always poking fun of the way I look or the fact that I've never been on a date before in my life. Why do you consider it your personal goal to always remind me of that? I know I'm some stupid never-been-kissed virgin in your eyes but you don't always have to rub it in." And now I can't stop the tears from welling up into my eyes. Thank Merlin none of them fall down my cheeks, though they are dangerously close. After the fated time at the lake after O.W.L.s I swore to myself that James Potter would never make me cry again. I bite the inside of my cheeks and Potter looks perfectly horrified. His hand flies out to mine to comfort me but he seems to think better of it and retracts it reluctantly. "We were well on our way to being mates in Fourth Year Potter. What happened? What did I do to make you dislike me so suddenly?"

At this he becomes more exasperated and can't stop himself from grabbing me forcefully but the shoulders. Though his grip is firm his fingers are surprisingly soft against my skin. "I am a massive and complete git is what happened Evans. I'm… bollocks...I am such a fucking idiot." I've never heard Potter talk about himself in a negative way before in my life. Not even when he apologized at the end of last term. His thumb runs gently against my skin and I want to retreat but he holds me firmly in place. His eyes burn through me. "I never meant to make you feel like...Merlin's beard...like I was making fun of you for not dating people. I like that about you. I'm... quite bloody pleased you've never been kissed." He lets out a snort of a laugh but it holds no humor. "And I know we were friends in Fourth Year. And it was nice Evans. It was nice." I notice he has avoided the topic of Severus, which I cannot entirely fault him for. Severus is a moot point between the two of us now.

I remove myself from his grasp and lean on the door again and raise my eyebrows. "I don't entirely understand, Potter."

He rocks up and down on his toes and looks at me pleadingly. "And I don't think you have to fully understand Evans. You just need to know that I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I was a prat to you and I'm sorry that you thought I was...bloody hell…. taking the mickey out of you all this time. I swear on my honor as a Gryffindor that was not my intention."

I try to shrug nonchalantly as though he has never hurt my feelings excruciatingly. "It's fine Potter. I'm a tough girl."

He doesn't look entirely pleased with my response but he doesn't look altogether upset either. A hand flies through his hair again. He heaves a great sigh and then catches hold of my elbows with his hands as though it is some sort of reflex. "Look, Evans I have a proposition. If you're willing, let's pretend Fifth Year didn't happen. Lets go back to the end of Fourth Year when we were becoming friends." He blinks a few times, looking shy, "If you can do that I think we might just stand a chance at getting through this summer together. For Marlene's sake." His eyes are wide like a dog begging for scraps from a table. "I'm sorry for being a prick Evans, and as your friend I will do better, I swear."

I heave a great sigh. I have an Achilles Heal and apparently even Potter knows it. I always believe the best of people when they say they will do better. It's the only reason Severus and I were able to be friends as long as we were. He would always apologize to me, swear he would do better, and I would believe him wholeheartedly. After an entire childhood of that, it finally burned me beyond repair last year. Somethings just can't be undone. And I don't want to have to live that again. I don't want to be hurt like that again. Unfortunately Potter looks so dejected and genuinely upset that I find myself believing him, and though I'm sure that I'll burn for it later, I can't help but smile at him and put a gentle hand over his own that is resting on my elbow.

"People make mistakes Potter, and I'm willing to start over if you are."

The look of relief that washes over him almost makes the whole horrible conversation worth it. I remove my hand to scratch at the skin on my wrist anxiously. Something about Potter makes me feel raw and transparent, like I can't hide my true emotions from him even if I give my best effort. That's why he's the only person in my life I've ever really yelled at.

"I would like that Evans. I would really like that." He removes his hands from my elbows just to extend his right one forward formally. "Mates?" He asks as though my shaking on it will make it real.

I nod my head and offer him a half smile. "Mates." I say taking his hand firmly in my own and shaking it, "Or at least well on our way to becoming mates."

He smiles now, real and genuine, and it's that dazzling smile he shares with his dad, the one he saves for occasions when he is truly happy. "I can live with that, Evans." Instead of letting go of my hand he pulls me to a wardrobe and flings open the door. The smile hasn't left his face and the jovial way he shows me the contents of his slightly messy wardrobe is almost endearing. "Help yourself to any of these shirts," He pauses, "mate."

I can't help but laugh and take a step forward to examine my options, running my fingers over the well worn fabric. "These are all going to be massive on me." I say, throwing him a smile over my shoulder which he returns to me twelve fold. "It will be rather like wearing an unflattering dress."

"I'm sure you'll look better in my shirts than I do Evans." There's a little bit of fire sparking in his eyes, but not the angry kind.

I take a large green shirt with a shimmering Harpies emblem on the front and hold the hanger up to my shoulders. The shirt is so large it completely covers my shorts. James gulps. "It swallows me whole, you giant." I exclaim, feeling the size of a small child.

James shrugs, but his eyes are laughing. He doesn't smirk at me in the mean way I am accustomed to, or maybe it's because I'm not looking for it. "Just because you're the size of a bloody Cornish Pixie."

At this I shove his shoulder. It's the most contact I've initiated with him since flying lessons in First Year and he looks pleased. "Don't be rude." I say, which is not an entirely new statement coming from me to him but the joking manner in which I say it certainly is. "I'll just tie it at the waist." I remove the shirt from the hanger and throw it over my arm. "Now Potter, lets go to a Quidditch match."


	5. Chapter 5

_Yay yay finally a new chapter! There's a lot going on in this one, and I have spent so much time changing it and rewriting I finally just decided I was just never going to be satisfied with it and should post it anyway. Please please let me know what you think! I'm not yet sure how I feel about it. _

_I have this head cannon that Sirius and Lily just egg each other on and do a bunch of crazy, stupid stuff when left to their own devices which makes poor James' hair grey with worry (which isn't typical of him but when it comes to Lily he is a big soppy mess.) But anyway, I supposed that's where the end of this chapter came from. Next chapter we will (finally) be heading to Hogwarts! Hooray! _

_Also, if any of you are interested I posted a fluffy little Jily oneshot here because I just couldn't get it out of my head. You can find the link in my profile! Head on over and let me know what you think! _

_And lastly (I swear!) I just wanted to give a HUGE thanks to Charlotte who has been SO good about reviewing and actually making me feel like people care about this story! In fact, thank you to anyone who has ever taken the time to review. It really does mean so much to me! And to the guestie who was wondering about Sirius and Lily's relationship: Yes, absolutely yes. Their friendship is a huge part of the story. As well as her friendship with the other Marauders, who will finally make their appearance next chapter, so stay tuned! _

Chapter 5

_"Run away with me, lost souls in revelry _

_Run wild, run free, two kids you and me"_

_Renegades- X Ambassadors_

"If I'd known it was going to be this boring I wouldn't have come" Marlene says testily from her perch on the counter of the messy shop. She looks strangely at home among the greasy rags and used parts that clutter the space around her. She kicks her legs back and forth, the heels of her sneakers hitting the counter behind her with an echoing "thud".

I look up at her from my place by the bike and smile. She's been enjoying herself despite the fact that she's been hollering complaints for the last half hour. Sirius glares daggers at her from beside me. "Well you could be useful, you lazy sack of no good bones, might help pass the time."

Marlene just snorts and picks at her nails. Sirius has been hovering over Finn since we arrived. Though he's grateful for the help I think he wishes he could do it on his own. Thankfully Finn doesn't seem extremely bothered by it and explains things patiently as he goes. To be honest, my cousin has been uncommonly shy since we arrived and, by the way he keeps throwing unsubtle glances over his shoulder at Marlene, I know why. I think she intimidates him more in real life than he ever could have guessed.

Finn's eyes find mine after a long moment of searching for Marlene's and I wink at him knowingly. He clears his throat, "Lil, hand me that wrench over by you? The biggest one?"

I turn to the workbench where James is sitting brow furrowed in concentration as he pours over the comic book in his lap. I can't help but smile. He's been engrossed since we arrived. I hardly know how I'm going to explain it to Finn. It's not like old Spiderman comics are earth shattering to most sixteen year old boys, but James isn't most sixteen year old boys and he can't seem to pull himself away.

I reach around him for the wrench, my arm brushing his which seems to snap his focus directly to me. I feel color rise to my cheeks for some unknown reason and curse myself. "Sorry!" I stutter out with a smile before swiftly handing Finn, who is eyeing me curiously, the wrench.

I look back over my shoulder at James, who has still not returned back to his comic book and is instead eyeing Sirius and Finn with interest. He catches me looking and beams, as he usually does, scooting over on the bench and patting the space beside him in invitation.

"Haven't seen him this happy about something since middle of last term." He explains, still watching Sirius as I take my seat. The bench is small and I find my bare arm presses into his. Somehow our friendship has not been much of a difficulty since our conversation in his bedroom and I am grateful for it. In fact it's felt rather natural despite the fact that we are rather new to it. Being near him doesn't make my skin crawl anymore, and when I laugh at something he says I no longer feel like it's a betrayal.

"I'm glad." I say honestly, "he's been through a lot."

James just nods and continues watching, a sadness settles into his eyes that is so profound I don't know whether to ask him what's wrong or try to distract him.

"How's good ol' Peter Parker?" I ask, deciding on distraction. My shoulder bumps his and I scoot to the far end of the bench out of habit.

His melancholy instantly dissipates and he is smiling at me again, indicating the flimsy book in his hands. "Brilliant. Bloody brilliant. I never understood why Remus was so into these things before. Now I get it."

I chuckle lightly at this, knowing our mutual friends' fondness for comics. Remus and I had spent many a late patrol night debating Superman's character development and if it was even a comic worth reading (it's not). "Yeah well Remus is right about most things. I promised him I'd bring some of Finn's collection back to school with me, you can use them too if you would like."

James runs a free hand through his hair, making it stick up like he'd stuck a key in an electrical socket. I still don't find it endearing but I mention nothing. He looks genuinely pleased. "I would like that Evans. I like this Peter Parker fellow. He has great taste in women. Gorgeous redheads and boys with dark hair and glasses go together perfectly." This is followed by a wink that instantly makes me stiffen. He looks to regret it immediately the moment my body goes rigid.

James has been quite true to his word, and as far as hiccups go, this is a minor one, so I force my shoulders to relax and my piercing gaze to soften. I hadn't been aware until this moment that everyone else is eyeing us curiously, hardly even pretending not to. James looks like he's awaiting my decision on his death sentence, swallowing audibly.

"Well…" I say, clearing my throat awkwardly, "Mary-Jane is a catch, so who can blame him?" I attempt a chuckle but it doesn't quite sound genuine.

James visibly relaxes and smiles at me again, but not the goofy kind of smile I have become used to. This smile is a bit softer, tugging only lightly at the ends of his lips revealing a light dimple in his cheek. His eyes are serious behind their frames. "Yeah," he says a bit quietly, "she really is…"

"Ugh, " Marlene jumps down from her perch with a thud, making James and I jump slightly, "I'm going out for a smoke. Sirius you coming?"

Sirius looks up from where he is crouched on the garage floor. His brow is furrowed and he doesn't even look up from what he's doing. "No, I'm good Mar, thanks." I struggle to think of a time Sirius has ever worked so tirelessly and nothing comes to mind. The boy would be top of the class above Remus and I if he gave an ounce of this effort to his studies.

"I'll come!" I say jumping up from my place on the bench, suddenly grateful for the distraction. Marlene says nothing but allows me to follow her out the side door before she slams it behind her.

We decide to sit with our backs braced against the side of the garage, taking some solace in the shade that it provides. She lights her cigarette and takes a long drag before blowing it all out of her nose. "How are we doing?" She asks, seemingly genuinely curious, "Bit risky to bring us bumbling Purebloods into a Muggle garage."

I laugh at this. I had had my reservations about introducing them to Finn initially, but after much assurance from James and Sirius I had finally felt confident. They knew what to keep their mouths shut about and tried to pretend like they knew what was going on even when they were enamored. It was rather odd to see the three people who are confident to a fault out of their comfort zone and looking to me for guidance.

"No, you guys are brilliant." I nudge her shoulder lightly, "Honestly."

She inhales another drag, looking thoughtful before she sighs and looks down at me. "Lily, are you an James…. what's going on with that?" The words tumble out of her mouth like she couldn't stop them if she tried. "You've been...chummy since the Harpies game."

Her round, dark eyes search mine and I can't help the giggle that escapes my lips at her seriousness. She hadn't mentioned the shift in my relationship with James until now. "I didn't know Mary's nosey side had worn off on you," I joke "Aren't you the friend who is supposed to mind her own business?"

Marlene starts to smile but thinks better of it and screws her face up in a scowl. "I do mind my own business. I'm just asking because your damn flirting effects me. When you break his heart we'll be right back where this started and I don't fancy that."

Though I know she is mostly joking this statement truly shocks me. "We do _not_ _flirt_." I say as though it's a naughty word, "And don't worry your pretty head about James Potter's heart, it's far from being broken, particularly by me."

She snorts at me and smoke from her nose blows in my face. "You're an idiot Lily Evans."

With an unladylike snort of my own I rise from my place on the ground. "And you've become a miserable old gossip." I say, unable to hide my smile.

She snuffs out the end of her cigarette on the pavement and flicks the butt away, looking entirely unamused. "Whatever. I'm just trying to look out for my best friends." I help her to her feet and am pleased when she actually accepts my hand. I turn to go back inside but her hand rests gently on my elbow. "I know it probably wasn't easy for you, but thanks for smoothing things over...for my sake. It's been...nice."

It is not lost on me that "nice" was the exact way James had described our tentative friendship in fourth year. We had picked up from there and then some. I smile and link my arm through Marlene as we enter the garage. "I'd move mountains for you Mckinnon, this was nothing." I say, and find that I mean it.

Several hours later Sirius and Finn are covered head to foot in grease and grime, Marlene is cursing loudly about how hungry she is, and James has grown tired of his comic books, but the motorbike is indeed finished and ready to ride. Sirius is beaming so brightly when he claps Finn on the back I think I might go blind from the brightness of his smile. I offer them both a soapy rag to wash off.

"Well, it was in worse shape than I bargained for," Finn began, wiping his forehead clean,"but she's not likely to quit on you anytime soon." His eyes twitch to Marlene again, who is picking at her nails and paying him no attention.

I wrap Finn in a tight hug, ignoring the soot that will get on my own clothes. "You are brilliant. Thank you for all your help."

"Who wants to help me test drive this thing?" Sirius says, looking impatiently at the keys in his hands as if he might jump on the bike and start the ignition at any moment if we talk too much longer.

"Umm me obviously." I state with confidence before anyone else has the chance to respond.

James perks up at this, rushing over to where the rest of us have gathered around the bike. "Is it safe?" He seems suddenly concerned.

I want to scoff at him. The boy zips around one hundred feet in the air on a broomstick on a regular basis and thinks a motorbike poses some kind of threat. I would tell him so but we are all keenly aware of Finn's presence. Instead I wave my hand in the air as if to brush his concern aside. "Of course it's safe. Besides I'm sure Sirius is a great driver. Right Sirius?" How could he not be? I've seen him play Qudditch, maneuvering a broom can't be all that different from a bike...right?

"The best." He says with a winning smile that makes me trust his skill completely.

It doesn't seem to win James over though, his brow still knitted together in concern. I brush past him, opening up the garage to allow Sirius an exit. Sirius avoids James gaze and starts up the bike. With Finn's help we have it in the street in no time. Even Marlene seems interested now, though she's trying not to appear too invested. I see her give a nervous glance between me and the bike but she says nothing. I throw her a reassuring smile, knowing she is not entirely comfortable with Muggle vehicles yet. My confidence seems to appease her.

Sirius mounts the bike and pats the seat behind him, winking cheekily. Potter huffs audibly from behind me. Ignoring him I grin excitedly and go to spring toward the bike but there is a restricting hand on my elbow that immediately stops me.

It's James and he is certainly not smiling. "If you insist on riding that _thing_ at least wear your cousin's helmet." He's eyeing the bike as though it might lash out and bite me.

"No." I state simply and yank my elbow away from his grasp. I want to say it's not fair for him to treat me like a baby, or that it's hypocritical that he can fly around like an idiot and get beaten by bludgers on a regular basis without anyone telling _him_ to put on a helmet. Not that he would anyway because it would ruin his stupidly perfect hair.

I can say any of these things though so I just turn away from him.

When I feel someone catch me by the arm again I think I might just haul off and hit him but this time I am greeted by my cousin's unwavering gaze when I whip around. "You're boyfriend is right Lily. Just wear the damn helmet. For my sake if not his."

He is holding out his helmet to me with a pleading look he knows I can't refuse. He knows it too. It's the way Finn gets me to do everything. It's the way he got me to kiss a frog at the age of five just because he wanted to see if it would turn into a prince. It didn't and I was scarred for life.

I sigh loudly and snatch the helmet from his grasp. "Fine." I say as I secure it over my already messy hair, "and he's not my boyfriend."

I take my seat behind Sirius finally, settling my arms around his waist and holding him so tightly that my helmet is pressed to the back of his leather jacket.

"You should be grateful!" He yells back at me over the roar of the engine, "apparently no one cares about the safety of _my_ beautiful head."

I laugh loudly at this, grateful for the comic relief. "Come on Black!" I scream back, hoping he can hear me, "Put your money where your mouth is and drive."

I can't hear him but I feel him chuckle. He revs the engine and waves to our friends in the driveway. I tuck my feet up off the ground and feel my heart begin to race. I've never actually been on a motorbike before and certainly not with a possibly unskilled Pureblood at the helm.

Before Sirius picks up his heels though James is at his side clutching the handle bar. "Take it slow!" He bellows looking quite distressed but Sirius just laughs, salutes him with one hand, and thrusts the gas.

With screeching tires and smoke behind us we are off. I squeal in delight and surprise as I clutch Sirius a bit tighter. There's not much traffic, but he weaves in and out of the cars there are with impressive ease. I get the feeling he really does know what he's doing which relieves the small knot of fear in my stomach. I find myself actually enjoying the ride.

The sun is almost setting and the sky above the rooftops is the dusty sort of orange that only summer sunsets can seem to achieve. Buildings fly by us and the wind tugs mercilessly at the ends of my hair that are not tucked into the helmet. Sirius takes a sharp right turn, making the tires screech again but I can only laugh, feeling uncontrollably happy. With the wind in my face and the summer night air surrounding us I feel lighter than I have in a long time. Who cares about school? Who cares about Severus? In that moment I cannot find the heart to worry about anything.

With growing confidence I loosen my grip on Sirius's midsection and slowly raise my arms in the air. When they are finally fully extended I let out a whoop of satisfaction. This is what summer should be. It never used to be with Sev. Sirius lets out his own holler and races us on even faster, if that is even possible.

After several minutes I notice that we are nearing the neighborhood we started in and feel a crushing sense of disappointment. I could ride this bike for ages. Sirius must sense my disappointment because he slows a bit, "Let's finish with a bang shall we?" he hollers over his shoulder.

I express my consent and we're off at a ripping speed. A piece of hair whips me in the eye so violently I sputter and use one arm to wipe it away. We round the corner only a few blocks from the garage with another loud squeal. I feel the bike strain at the turn.

The corner is too tight. We are going too fast. Without both arms around Sirius I feel myself become dislodged. I don't have time to scream before I fly off the back of the bike, my left side crashing hard into the concrete. I try to brace myself but just wind up landing on my wrist. My head smacks to ground too but I hardly feel it thanks to the padding of my helmet.

"Lily? Are you alright? Please be alright." I hardly know how he even got here so fast but James is already at my side, yanking my helmet off and catching my face in his hands. His hazel eyes are full of panic as they roam my body, taking survey of the damage.

"I'm fine." I manage to croak out, unconvincingly. The pain shooting up my arm is a bit dizzy. I force the corners of my mouth up into something like a smile. "Who knew you were such a worrier Potter."

He huffs at this but his eyes are still searching my face. I notice that he is still cupping my cheeks in his hands. There is the thunder of footsteps behind him which causes him to clear his throat loudly and release me. "My worrying saved your ungrateful head." He states just in time for everyone else to hear.

"Don't tease her when she's in pain like this you absolute twat." Marlene says, pushing her way to my side. "Lily can you sit up?"

Sirius's guilty eyes find mine from behind James' shoulder and he looks at me pleadingly. He would never hear the end of it if I was truly hurt and I imagine I certainly wouldn't either. Marlene and James were skeptical enough of the bike in the first place, this certainly isn't going to help its case. I give him a slight nod, hoping to convey I understand his desperation.

"Yeah of course. Really, I'm fine." I say, wanting wave my hand in the air but find that I am unable to stop cupping my wrist. Marlene and James catch me by both my elbows and help me stand despite their protests. Sirius looks grateful.

Finn, who still looks slightly concerned, but notably less so, laughs loudly. "Typical Lily." He explains, "she fell out of our treefort once when she was nine, refused to go to the hospital or tell our mums. Looked like she got ran over by a truck but was insisting she was fine."

James' eyes still have not left me and my wrist has not gone unnoticed. If Finn's story of my childhood has comforted him at I can see no signs of it. "Show me your wrist." It's not a request and he says it with such authority I obey immediately. With his brow furrowed in concern he gingerly takes my hand into his. It's hard to imagine that he is the same person I hated by the lake not so long ago. There is no trace of that boy in his serious face now. Everyone is silent for a breath. His large hands are so tender underneath my own I'm surprised when he releases me and violently whips around to Sirius, who has been watching the whole procedure from a safe distance away.

"You broke her bloody wrist!" He explodes with a temper I didn't know he was capable of. Sirius winces like he's been struck. I highly doubt that he is used to James speaking to him like that. James stalks over to him pointing an accusing finger into Sirius' chest. "I told you to take it fucking slow!"

Sirius takes a long breath, ready to respond but before he gets the chance I rush between them, shocking everyone, and my poor wrist which causes excruciating pain at the quick and jerky movement. I force myself not to wince.

"It wasn't his fault James." I say, slipping into the same tone that I used to whenever I was defending Severus from him. I wonder if it will be my lot in life to defend innocent individuals from James Potter's undo wrath for the rest of my life. "It was mine. I was the one who told him to go faster." Not entirely true but I certainly hadn't asked him to slow down, "And I was the one who let go like a bloody idiot." Sirius looks so relieved I think he might faint. "If you want to blame anyone for this accident, just blame me!"

James is taken aback, as is Finn who has taken a place next to Marlene and is watching the whole scene with interest. What an introduction to my school friends for my poor cousin. Everyone is silent for a moment, not entirely sure what else to do until Marlene steps forward and wraps a protective arm around my shoulders.

"Lily, if your wrist is broken we should go see Mrs. Potter." She is resolute in her instructions, " James, come with us. Sirius and Finn, figure out what to do with that damn bike."

The boys all nod and James it at my other side, standing so close that his shoulder brushes mine. Finn throws me a questioning look and I slip out between my friends to hug him lightly with my good arm, careful not to jostle my wrist. "I'll be alright. I'll call you tomorrow and let you know how I am. Hell, maybe I'll make another trip out here before term."

He grins, returning my hug and ruffling my hair lightly. "Yeah, we didn't even make it to the pub today thanks to your clumsy ass." As I take my place inbetween James and Marlene again and we turn to go Finn calls out after us. "You take care of her this year James. God knows she needs it."

James looks back at Finn, a small smile tugging up the ends of his lips. His hand finds the small of my back. "I will. I promise." His words carry so much gravity and his eyes are so serious I am left with no doubt that he means them.


	6. Chapter 6

_Hello everyone! Thank you so much for waiting for this chapter! Because it took so long I tried make it a good one! I hope you enjoy it! We finally get to see Remus in this chapter and Severus too! Let me know what you think of them! Also, don't worry, Peter WILL have more time in this fic than he has been getting so far, there was just so much going on already I didn't have time to introduce his subplot in this chapter!_

_One of my faithful reviewers has asked for a few chapters from James perspective which I am totally willing to do! They would be more like bonus chapters, going back through from his POV. Would you all be interested in that? I think it sounds like a super fun idea every once and a while throughout this fic._

_Also, when I have time (which might not be until I get further along with this fic) I was thinking of starting a next gen fic. Would you guys be more interested in Victorie/Teddy or Rose/Scorpious? I want to write both so bad and need help deciding! _

_I start up school again at the end of this month but I am still going to try to post regularly! As always thank you for reading and please review if you are so inclined!_

_Chapter 6_

_Tell the truth or trust a lie_

_is this hello is is it goodbye?_

_High- Young Rising Sons_

The last weeks of summer pass by in a sunny haze. I spend a few more weeks with Marlene and return home for a short while at my parent's request. Our evenings are full of grilling food outside and bickering about what television show to watch. Finn stops by a few times but does not mention my wrist, or ask questions as to why I am not in a cast and I could kiss him on the cheek I am so grateful. James writes me at least twice each week while I'm home, more often than not I reply. Sirius writes me once to tell me that he's at my disposal as a "guard dog" if I catch Severus lurking about and not to forget about the records and comic books I promised to bring for Remus.

I'm relieved when September rolls around and sweltering summer nights are replaced with crisp evening air that is filled with the promises autumn. My mother gets emotional at my "back to school dinner", as she always does, and I make all the usual promises of writing often and behaving well.

Kingscross is busy with it's usual bustle as my father and I push my trunk through the sea of people. My mother and Petunia opted to stay home, both making feeble excuses as to why they could not see me off. I know it's because Platform 9 ¾ makes them both a bit nervous and my mom doesn't like getting teary in front of so many strangers. My father on the other hand, gets a kick out of it every time and insists on running my cart through the barrier at top speed.

I follow him after a short while, looking over my shoulder briefly to make sure that no Muggles can spot me. I nearly run into my father's back. He has stopped in his tracks, taking in the Hogwarts Express in all of her glory. No matter how many times he has seen me off the spectacle always seems to leave him awed. Some younger students rush by, already wearing their robes and squealing with excitement. My father laughs as we stand in their wake and looks over his shoulder at me.

It's odd, for the past five years going off to school was always my dad, Severus, and I. It's the first time we haven't picked him up from his house, crammed his trunk in our car and been on our way. It makes me feel hollow inside. He should be here. He should be with me like he always is. What's worse is that without my dad, Severus won't have anyone here to see him off. For a moment I think I might be sick. My father didn't ask why he wasn't joining us today and I am thankful for it.

"You alright Lil?" My father's eyebrows are raised in question and concern. I wipe my eyes and wave him off as nonchalantly as I can, willing Severus out of my mind. It's not my problem how he gets to school anymore.

"Brilliant dad! You took that barrier like a champion, as always."

He barks with laughter and claps me on the back, "I like to think so, now come on, don't stand there looking so severe! Let's find your friends!" I nod and follow him as we make our way further on to the platform.

Dad loves talking to wizards and is always asking me to introduce him to my friend's parents. Thankfully Mr. Mckinnon is usually equally delighted by Muggles and seems quite fond of my father.

My eyes search the crowd for the familiar face of Marlene or Mary. Instead I catch sight of a mop of shaggy light hair towering above most everyone else and a grin spreads across my face. I push past my father and rush to the lanky figure before me.

Before he's even had the chance to look down and see me I wrap my arms securely around his waist in a warm hug. "Remus!" The wool of his jumper itches my cheek, "I've missed you, I have!"

He jumps at the sudden greeting but grins down at me, returning my enthusiastic hug a bit awkwardly by patting me on the back a few times with a large hand. "Great to see you too Lily!"

I release him quickly and give him the chance to politely greet my father who is standing awkwardly to the side. I explain that he is my fellow prefect and my father beams proudly. I want to ask Remus where his parents are but know enough about their tumultuous relationship to keep my mouth shut. "How was your summer?" I enquire. I can tell he hasn't been around James or Sirius recently from how hollow and sunken he looks. Something about the other Marauders' presence usually seems to make him appear more full and bright.

He shrugs noncommittally in answer but then smiles mischievously, at trait all Marauder's seem to share. "I heard all about your summer escapades. How's the wrist?"

"What happened to your wrist Lil?" My dad inquires, eyeing my arm which is clutching at some books that didn't fit in my backpack or trunk and clearly perfectly fine.

I glare at Remus momentarily before answering. "Nothing dad, it's totally fine!"

Remus has the decency to look apologetic and changes the topic swiftly, asking my father about our summer home in Wales. My father replies enthusiastically. I am in the middle of laughing at something my father says about Aunt Kathy when I feel someone's eyes on me.

My eyes sweep the platform twice before I actually catch the culprit. Severus looks all too familiar, leaning in the the shadows of the station wall, the darkness only making his angular face more harsh. His look bores into me and I cannot pretend that it doesn't burn. When are eyes meet furrows his brow in greeting and even from our significant distance I can see the bruise under his eye. I know he probably has more up his arms and for a horrific moment I think I might run to him, fling my arms around his neck, and tell him how much I've missed him. How am I going to endure this for an entire year? The few weeks I had to avoid him at the end of last term had been nearly impossible. I realize how much good the distance of summer holiday had done for me, how little time I had actually spent worrying about him. Or missing him. His nearness make me instantly unsettled.

Before I can act on the dreadful impulse to forgive him like countless time before there is someone roaring my name and picking me up in a bear hug from behind. I can't help it, I squeal in surprise, hoping my skirt doesn't fly up inappropriately.

"Lily Evans, you perfect specimen of human femininity, I have missed you."

I kick my legs out though I am laughing and my father looks a mixture of confused and amused. "Black put me down this instant. You're causing a scene. And you saw me two weeks ago."

"Doesn't mean we didn't miss you, love." He winks roguishly at me but looks past me quickly "But get out of the way now, you're blocking my reunion with Moony."

James, who has come around the other side, finishes clapping Remus on the back in an attempt at a manly hug. The color in Remus's cheeks seems to return instantly as Sirius pushes past me to wrap him in an equally enthusiastic embrace. James is beaming at me, arm still slung around Remus, as the other two boys greet each other. I find myself beaming right back. "Evans." He says simply in way of greeting.

"James, this is my dad." I indicate my father, who has come to stand next to me in all the commotion of the boy's reunion. "Dad this is James Potter, and Sirius Black, the ones Finn and I told you about."

James' smile wavers for only a moment and I notice him wipe his hand on his trousers before stepping forward and reaching out to firmly shake my father's hand. His Adam's Apple bobs before he clears his throat. "Mr. Evans, it's a pleasure to meet you." He glances over his shoulder at me before releasing my father's hand, "You have a brilliant daughter."

My father smiles at this and, to my horror, pats me on the head fondly, "Well her mother and I certainly think so, son. We're very proud of her." And then they both exchange a look that puts me on edge. It's not exactly threatening on my father's end, but it's some unspoken understanding that I am not a part of. "Tell me, you a prefect with Lily too then James?"

Remus and Sirius have stopped to watch the exchange. James runs a hand through his hair and looks at me sheepishly before turning his attention back to my father. "No sir," he answers honestly, "I spend more time dedicated to sports."

"Oh you play that game then?" My father asks enthusiastically, ever fascinated with any form of athletics, "Qiddlbee or whatever it is you call it?"

"Quidditch," James corrects goodnaturedly, the only sign of amusement on his face are his dancing eyes that spare a glance of mirth at Sirius, "and yes, I'm captain of the Gryffindor team again this year. Running practices and keeping my team champions takes up a good deal of my time." I want to roll my eyes, add that wreaking havoc takes up any remaining free time, but choose to refrain. It's a brag, but a relatively humble one considering it's coming from James Potter.

My father looks impressed and launches into all his usual questions, which James answers with patients. Sirius even chimes into the conversation, explaining to my father how Bludgers work. My dad listens with undivided attention. Most questions he asks me about Quiddich are met with a shrug, or a vague, unsure answer. He is pleased to have a conversation with individuals who actually understand. Remus doesn't say much, his hands shoved in his pockets and his bony shoulders are slumped. When he does look up from his rugged trainers it's to smile at something Sirius said.

Six months ago I couldn't even stand when James sat next to me in Transfiguration, now here I am, introducing him to my father on Platform 9 and ¾, and actually enjoying myself. Life is funny like that sometimes I guess. Everything seems impossible until it actually happens.

My father is in the middle of forming his next question when Marlene appears, seemingly out of nowhere and links an arm through mine with nothing but a nod of greeting at the boys. "Hello Mr. Evans." She says in an uncommonly cheerful manner, "My father's just down the platform with Mary and her parents." She grabs some books from my arms, "they'll be terribly disappointed if I come back empty handed so I have to insist you follow me."

"Good to see you again Marlene." My father smiles down at her widely. He's been utterly charmed by her since she was twelve though we're both unsure as to why because the first time they were introduced she had just finished beating the living dickens out of Severus for making fun of the Harpies. My father had said she had spirit. He wasn't wrong. "And yes, I have to thank your father for taking such good care of Lily this summer. I've brought him my favorite bottle of sherry."

"You're lot's over there too," She tells the boys, "Peter's been looking for you everywhere." With that Marlene turns, arm still linked through mine, and begins to lead the way down the platform, my father and the boys are close in tow. I notice James has insisted on relieving my father of my trunk which seems to please him greatly.

Marlene has to tilt her head down to whisper in my ear, "Saw a Severus situation." She explains her cheerful behavior, "And by situation I mean the fact that he was murderous. I had to extract you for your own safety."

I had forgotten about Severus. Completely and wholly forgotten about him. I can't imagine what the scene must have looked like to him. It had only been a few months since I swore my undying dislike for James and his friends alike. I think I might be sick. I never intended to hide my new relationship with Severus's tormentors, but I certainly hadn't meant to broadcast it instantly on the platform before we even reached the school.

"Don't look so upset Lily." Marlene whispers venomously, "He's not something you should worry about anymore and these are your friends now. Let him go."

And I try. Goddammit do I try.

It's not until I have my robes on, prefect badge shining out from my chest, that I am brave enough to make eye contact with Severus again. I sit next to Remus and Samantha Bones of Ravenclaw during the prefect meeting, intentionally far from where the Slytherins sit. The second my gaze connects with his he glances away, but not before his dark eyes blaze. I quickly look back down at the toes of my shoes. Hector Jones is Headboy, to the surprise of no one, though he has the decency to pretend he wasn't expecting it, and Alice Prewett of Gryffindor sits next to him as Headgirl. The do a good job at keeping our initial meeting short (the first true test of a Headboy and girl), explaining that they will get the patrol schedule out as soon as possible and that the new fifth year prefects are in charge of escorting the first years to their respective common rooms. They also explain that we will get to pick our own partners for rounds this year which is met by short round of applause and exclamations of approval. Remus bumps his knee against mine and I just smile and nod in agreement to his silent assumption. Of course the two of us will be together for rounds.

It's not long before we are dismissed. Everyone bustles out of the room quickly, trying to make it back to their friends before we reach the castle and the real work begins. As I am about to exit Hector grabs me by the elbow.

"Hey Lily," he says politely, "how was your holiday?"

I look up at him questioningly. "Erm...it was good? How was yours?"

Remus is standing in the doorway waiting for me with a quizzical expression on his face. Hector glances back at him nervously, clearly uncomfortable with his presence. I shrug at Remus and wave him on, telling him to get back the compartment with our friends and that I'll be along shortly. He nods in understanding and turns to leave.

Hector seems relieved. "Brilliant. It was brilliant." He leans back on the arm of a chair casually, though he honestly looks a bit dodgey. "Look Lily I was wondering…." My eyes widen and my heart stops momentarily while he nervously tries to find words to finish his sentence. Dear sweet Merlin I hope he is not wondering about me. I have enough overly tall Quidditch toned boys on my hands thank you very much. "I was wondering if your friend Mary is seeing anyone? We wrote a few letters this summer after Marlene's party and I was just...erm...curious...of her...erm attachments."

I heave a great sigh of relief. Mary then, not me. Thank blazes. I smile up at him widely, "No Hector, Mary is not seeing anyone." My smile turns into a sly grin, as he beams at the news "Shall I give her your regards?"

"You should," He says, straightening from his nervous slouch, "In fact I'll probably stop by your compartment later to give them myself."

I think of the way Mary would watch him last year longingly before every Hogsmede weekend only to be disappointed when the only person who asked her was Peter. "I think she would really like that." I answer honestly before leaving an elated Hector for the door. "Cheers Jones."

I don't get the chance to leave however for when I turn to go I run smack into an all too familiar boney chest. Severus looms before me and I take a giant step back.

"A word?" He asks, his voice raspy and quiet but somehow deadly in its precision.

"I was just leaving," Hector explains, looking at the two of us warily before easing past us in the door frame. The public drama at the lake last year had certainly left most people aware of the state of our relationship. I hated that. Hector throws me one pitying look before rushing down the hall.

For a moment I think I might refuse him, tell him I have nothing to say and brush by him in a huff, but when I see the agony written across his face, and the blackness of his eye, I find myself stepping back into the empty compartment and allowing him to seal the door shut behind us.

I take a seat and look at my hands. We are quiet for a long moment. He wanted a word, he can talk. I won't make it up to me.

After a few painful minutes he his kneeling on the ground in front of where I sit grasping my hands desperately.

"I know you're mad at me Lily, livid even, and I know you have every right to be," his voice is low and strangled with emotion, "I'm not even here to ask you to forgive me again." I feel a lump rise in my throat. I. Will. Not. Cry. "But please, Lily, please," he sounds like he is holding back tears now too and they are choking him, "not him. Not just him to get back at me. You cannot be his."

And now the sorrow in the pit of my belly lights to anger. This is about Severus and his stupid obsession with the Marauders and his constant competition with them. He's been telling me to avoid them all, but James in particular, for as long as we've known them. Fourth year was miserable, trying to be friends with them both. I clench my jaw. "I am not anyone's property Severus. I am a human being. Potter doesn't own me. And you never did either."

"So you _are_ together now then?" He sounds on the brink of desperation, and before I can pull away he is clutching at my arms. He is squeezing too tightly.

"That's not any of your business anymore." I nearly scream, tears welling up in my eyes.

"He's a pig." Severus spits, digging his nails into my forearms, "You both want each other just to get back at me and everyone knows it."

"My friendship with James has nothing to do with you," I sob out, tears running down my cheeks in earnest now though I hate myself for it. A dark part of me thinks Severus might be right. Maybe James does want to befriend me just to get back at his rival. Maybe it's just like the way he used to ask me out last year, just a tool to drive Severus mad.

But then I think of the time up in James' room when he was clutching at me the way Severus is now, except for the fact that he was gentle in his firmness. And I think of how he grabbed my hand so tentatively at the Harpies game when we were in the middle of a crowd and I was falling behind the rest of the group. I think of his gentleness after I had fallen off Sirius's bike.

"James is my friend." I say with more confidence this time through my tears.

Severus is leaning toward me now, crouched like a beast ready to pounce and though I have never been a timid girl I find myself shrinking from him. The amount of unbridled hate I see looming just behind his thin veil of control frightens me. It's always frightened me.

We both nearly bust out of our skin when someone bursts loudly through the door unannounced. "Lily darling we-" Sirius stops short when he catches sight of us, James bumping into his back at the abrupt halt.

Sirius's wand is in his hand before anyone has the chance to really react. James peers over his shoulder curiously, I try to look away before he can see the tears running down my cheeks, but the way his hazel eyes instantly turn ferocious I know I haven't been successful.

My mind whirls. The way the boys are looking at each other means nothing but violence.

"Let her go now and I might not kill you." Sirius's voice is strangely level though his wand is pointed at Severus's nose threateningly. There is so much fire in his gaze I think he would be pleased if Severus gave him one more reason to hex him.

Severus draws his own wand and rises to his feet swiftly. "Well, Black, maybe you'll be more successful with your second attempt to murder me."

James comes to stand beside Sirius now, wand raised. We're right back to where we were last year and it makes me want to scream.

"I was just leaving anyway." I say coolly, turning the boys attention back to me and hopefully avoiding an all out brawl. I stand, straighten my robes and dare Severus to tell me to wait. He's outnumbered and out-angered so though he looks like he might want to reach out after me he leaves his hand at his side. "I've said everything I have to say to you." I explain walking over to Sirius and James pleading silently with them to lower their wands.

"If you think we are just going to let this slide Snivellus you're wrong." Sirius says, poison behind his words.

"Sirius, please." I beg, tugging on his elbow and making my green eyes as wide and pathetic as possible. I think the remnants of the tears on my cheeks are what finally do him in because after searching my face a while he heaves a great sigh and lowers his wand.

I breathe out a sigh of relief. James has lowered his wand as well but now that I am closer I notice that his hands are shaking and his eyes are still devouring Severus with warning. I can't think of a time I've ever seen him more angry. Not even when I fell off the bike.

"James." I whisper desperately, grabbing his wrist because he is still clutching his wand so tightly I think it might snap in half. "James, let's go back to our compartment. Please." Severus winces, _our compartment, _James and mine.

James' eyes soften, only slightly as he searches my face and I try to give him a weak smile. The corner of his mouth twitches in response, like he just can't help but smile back. We turn to go, me tugging Sirius by the elbow and trying to get James to follow suit. He turns like he is about to come with us, pauses, and turns back to Severus. "If you ever do something like this again, you'll regret it." He says frigidly calm to the Slytherin hate sparking in his eyes again.

Severus laughs with no humor, it's chills me. "Is that an actual threat Potter?"

James shakes his head resolutely. "No. No, that's a promise."

And with that he finally pockets his wand, wraps his fingers around mine and let's me lead him back down the train.

None of us speak for a long while and it's not until we are right outside the compartment that I release them both from my grasp. They can't have any idea how grateful I am that they did not digress into throwing hexes.

"Thank you." I say to them both, for barging in when they did, for leaving when I asked them to, all of it.

Sirius smiles at me then, genuinely, and the fire in his blue eyes seems less likely to erupt though it is always there. "We were intending to come save you from Hector Jones." He explains understanding now that the idea is laughable.

I giggle as Sirius throws open our compartment door. There is the telltale sound of a rousing game of Exploding Snap inside and Sirius is swallowed into a chorus of hellos. I am about to follow him but James catches hold of the sleeve of my robe.

"Alright, Evans?" He asks earnestly.

"Yeah," I answer honestly rubbing my cheeks, "I'm alright. Can you tell I've been crying?"

His eyes search my face and he takes a step closer. Though I previously would have shrunk away from the closeness I have somewhat gotten used to it now. It's almost comforting at this point. He reaches out as though he is going to tuck a piece of hair behind my ear but thinks better of it. "You look perfect."

I feel a blush creep up my neck so I turn to join our friends, before I fully can enter the compartment I turn to him once again. This time he's the one who is surprised.

"We are truly friends now right James? Even though we're back to school?" I can't get Severus's taunting words out of the back of my mind.

"Of course we are you blooming idiot." Is his response.


End file.
